Just by reading this blog, someone may find it odd that I write this: perception is very important. It has a major effect on all of us in many of the things we do. Expectations are closely related with perception. Psychologically, our expectations of certain results have quite an impact on whether or not they will occur. Of course I believe that getting caught up in how other people might judge me is a bad idea. But, I also know that the best probability I have of projecting a certain image of myself is to perceive myself that way first. If I do that, and if I expect that of myself, chances are I will go beyond perception and actually be that way. Funny how that works.
A common problem for many PWDs (i.e. people with disabilities) occurs socially within dating. Often, these people have issues with getting others to acknowledge them as sexual beings. Quads and paraplegics have to convince others that their bodies still work, albeit differently. A woman must overcome the external impression that she is being taken advantage of. Surprisingly, these issues are often self-imposed as these PWDs are simply worried that the able-bodied individuals they meet are thinking this way when, in reality, many of them are not. It can be very difficult to figure out how to project a date-able image to others.
The first step in this specific problem is for those affected to make an internal adjustment on their impressions of themselves. I went through this exact thing, myself, and it is frustrating. I remember fighting the urge to tell a woman I had just met that, well, you know. The uncertainty and the patience required are difficult to get used to, and it is difficult. Most social situations do not make it easy to get your point across without acting inappropriately. I had to understand that I could only control what I could control. To project myself as a sexual being, I had to perceive it that way, and then leave the outside perceptions up to everyone else.
Eventually, I made my adjustment and I learned the same patience for that scenario as I did for any other. The major roadblock for anyone in that situation is body acceptance. For as long as I can remember, I had a major phobia of a tracheostomy. I can honestly say that I would get emotional just thinking about the potential of me having one. I had the strength to overcome every other change in my appearance, but it took me years and years to accept what that might bring should I ever decide to get one. I did it, though, and the strength it took made the rest pale in comparison.
This has been a good thing for me, as I realize I will need someone extra extra special. So that means I'll get to meet someone extra extra special. My approach to this stuff is essentially my approach to everything else. I think we all need to be strong at some point in our lives. In order to do that, however, we must be able to feel strong. It's kind of an obvious "2+2" thing, but how can we ever have strength when we need it if we don't think we can feel strong?
I've always had powers of observation, and I've been able to maximize my understanding of a thing through a limited amount of experience with it. I have looked down the barrel enough times to realize that I am a very strong person. When I go through things now, or think about potential experiences, I am able to tell myself in good faith that I know I will be able to face it. But there's no substitute for the real thing, and my faith in myself is strongest after I survive literally. It doesn't matter what I survive, just that I survive.
I believe that my adventures are a prime example of how perception and reality depend on one another. To really find myself in an optimal position, I cannot allow myself to be ruled only by the way things are, at the moment. However, in order to remain grounded, I must be vigilant as to how much stock I put into perception, from within and without. On the flip side, my goals will be achieved only when I have the courage to first perceive, and then to be, the thing that I want to be.
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