2008

The New Year will start with a bit of fun for me, but then it will get really difficult. My new beginning will be an emotional one. I'm calling the 4th as the anniversary of my lung collapse. I first felt the chest pain on that day. That is followed by the one-year mark of the opening of "13" and I'm still very proud of that. Then, I'll have the capper. I will be a whole year removed from the collapse diagnosis on the 8th and the reinflation procedure on the 9th. It's going to be a vulnerable time for me, although I have no qualms about admitting that. The fear of something like that happening again is still alive in me. Even in my most positive frame of mind, I anticipate reliving those feelings once again.

As 2007 comes to a close, I feel like I am positioned for a great year coming up despite the year I had. My health has turned a corner and I feel like I have at least found the road to recovery on the map. When I deal with a health issue, all I need is to be comfortable with the treatment and plan of attack. I feel very confident as soon as I have that. That has been true of my current concerns as well. The good news as of now is that not only do I have good mental confidence, but I also have physical confidence based on how my body is responding.

Creatively, it has been some time since I have been this inspired to write. I have about five solid ideas running concurrently in my head day in and day out. Ideas, of course, are wonderful. But this isn't an IBM advert, and I won't get paid to ideate. I might get paid to write. Now, it's a simple matter of discipline, research, and continued health improvement. I've got Joseph Campbell and his Power of Myth. I've got three world-class doctors and a couple of excellent nurses. The discipline is up to me. Uh Oh.

I actually do participate in the time-honored tradition of making New Year's resolutions. Usually, I also participate in the time-honored tradition of breaking New Year's resolutions. I'm going to try something new this year. I'm going to maintain my past resolutions, but define them more specifically so they can actually be, you know, accomplished. I want to always be in the middle of a book, but this year I resolve to read for at least one hour each week. I'm going to write every day, but this year I'll do this by planning the time to write at least two sentences per day. I need to make quicker, more lasting decisions and that will be achieved by making at least one choice each day based purely on instinct. I have other, more private, resolutions I have made and I hope to accomplish them in the same way.

Enjoy celebrating on New Year's Eve. It doesn't usually live up to expectations, but we can still have fun nonetheless, right? Take a couple aspirin when you get up the next day and watch the Rose Parade. I've always kept a special place in my heart for the Tournament. And I can't wait for the last Trojan win of the season in the Rose Bowl.

Happy New Year!

Let's get together and feel all right

I write often about pain & suffering, brokenness, and dealing with adversity. They are major facts of life that fit into this amazing universe of ours. They provide a lot of artistic inspiration and that's obvious if you consider how popular drama has been for centuries. However, there's something to be said for feeling good.

Physical and emotional happiness and pleasure are nice. They feel good. In particular, they make enduring through adverse situations worth it. Happiness and pleasure actually would not feel as good without those adverse situations. Philosophically speaking, neither side can exist without the other. Knowing that fact helps me to get through my suffering and it allows me to appreciate those moments, experiences, and people that give me pleasure and make me happy.

There are many things that make me feel the happiest, that give me the most pleasure. Certain foods -- like DoubleDouble's, Tommy chili burgers, and Pie & Burger burgers, or chocolate milkshakes from Carrows -- are like a slice of heaven. I also appreciate the experience of a cold Sam Adams, a tasty hors d'oeuvres, and a Trojan victory in sports.

Because of my interests in art and philosophy, I'm really into aesthetics. Beyond a simple male biological level, I truly appreciate the feminine form, and I enjoy seeing it in a beautiful woman or in a piece of abstract art that possesses those qualities: symmetry, proportion, smooth transitions, and an emphasis on the curve over the angle.

What I enjoy the most is spending time with the people I love. Family is very important in my life and, for sure, I truly treasure my nieces and nephews, who are all under the age of 5. It is a real treat to see the excitement in their eyes and listen to them talk and hear their ideas. It is amazing to see a zeal that is completely innocent (well, almost completely). I love every chance I get to talk with them, and watch movies, and play. Watching children grow and learn as each minute passes makes me very happy.

I'm also lucky enough to have several friends that I love as well. My close friends from high school and college are now my brothers. It's hardly ever stated, but the chance to get together and reminisce is one we always enjoy. Another pleasure I get is from other special friends and the opportunity to spend time alone with them.

Those are just a few of the things that give me pleasure. As nice as each individual one may be, the best is combining them, so that I can watch sports with my family, or spend time with a beautiful woman, or share food & drink with my closest friends. All of these are experiences that make me feel good.

I believe that they show the role happiness plays in spirituality. My focus is usually on being the bigger person and doing the right thing instead of doing the thing that is good for me. I agree with that, of course. However, it's also important never to forget that it's both right and good for me to be happy. My soul needs me to feel good. It's sort of like a spiritual vacation, and those are never bad. I've always thought that a pleasurable experience gives my spirit a chance to recharge before the next crisis.

I hope that everyone gets a chance during the holiday season to sit back and enjoy the pleasure of it, allow themselves to be happy, even for a moment. Even better, let's get together and feel all right. Vacation is there for a reason. Let us be with our loved ones and recharge for the coming year. May you all feel good now and throughout this next year.

From my tradition to yours... Merry Christmas!

The Greatest Gift

"The capacity to give one's attention to a sufferer is a very rare and difficult thing; it is almost a miracle, it is a miracle." -- Simone Weil

The greatest gift is a miracle. It's an expression of some part of yourself that you give to someone else. The thing you give to that person is very nearly beside the point. It's just the means by which the transfer of you to the other person takes place. By you, I mean your essence, a piece of your spirit.

In reality, the materials we give to each other can get in the way. As much as we like our stuff, and we do, believe me, I have stuff and I like stuff, using stuff as a gift only works when it complements our purpose, rather than deflecting it. What does genuine gift-giving try to accomplish? Well, I want the person on the receiving end of my gift to know how I feel about them. In some way, large or small, I want to grow together with that person.

I want to create an understanding. I want to strengthen our connection.

Sometimes, however, a material gift does get in our way, deflecting us from our purpose. Because of that, I feel that no material gift, regardless of how pure or thoughtful or amazing it is, can be considered the greatest. The greatest gift cuts out the middleman. Rather than a simple expression, the greatest thing you can give is yourself.

Giving yourself means giving your attention to someone. In the context of the greatest gift, attention means something beyond its common meaning. It usually is social contact, chitchatting, and simple interaction. This kind of attention can be given easily and can easily be insincere. Giving your true attention to someone is much more complex than that. It is important to really devote yourself to that person in your experience of them. It is not easy. It takes spiritual energy to be attentive to the spiritual needs of someone else.

Listen.

Be with the other person. That's what it's really all about. The greatest gift between two people is a coming together.

The greatest gift in appearance would be quite commonplace: a dad playing football with his son, a teacher tutoring her student after hours, a priest counseling one of the troubled faithful, a doctor & nurse treating a patient, best friends reminiscing, two lovers in bed. These are all basic examples with matter-of-fact explanations. They don't have to be instances of the greatest gift. Parenting, teaching, ministry, medicine, friendship, and sex can just be what they are. Then again, that's only looking at the appearance, and the greatest gift is all about essence. The identity of a thing is derived from its essence.

Care (again, remember the truer definition of the term) is crucial in determining when a miracle of interpersonal exchange is happening. That decides the intentions of the gift-giver. Anything can be done physically, denying the spiritual element in whole or in part. The greatest gift is given with full integrity because only the two people involved can decide to believe that it is sincere, and only the giver can know for sure if it is.

We are all sufferers. That is part of being human. When you give yourself, when you give genuine, true attention to someone who is suffering, that is a miracle. Devotion, listening, and truly being with someone... those things create a spiritual connection. And that allows the father to show his love to his son feeling too much stress. This kind of giving lets the teacher spend some quality time with her student who might feel lost. It gives the priest a chance to really guide someone in crisis. Devoted medical professionals finally get to care for the person as a whole. Best friends can really listen to each other and see where they are in their lives. And, being together allows two lovers to find acceptance in a physical act of love.

These are the greatest gifts. These are miracles.