The Greatest Gift

"The capacity to give one's attention to a sufferer is a very rare and difficult thing; it is almost a miracle, it is a miracle." -- Simone Weil

The greatest gift is a miracle. It's an expression of some part of yourself that you give to someone else. The thing you give to that person is very nearly beside the point. It's just the means by which the transfer of you to the other person takes place. By you, I mean your essence, a piece of your spirit.

In reality, the materials we give to each other can get in the way. As much as we like our stuff, and we do, believe me, I have stuff and I like stuff, using stuff as a gift only works when it complements our purpose, rather than deflecting it. What does genuine gift-giving try to accomplish? Well, I want the person on the receiving end of my gift to know how I feel about them. In some way, large or small, I want to grow together with that person.

I want to create an understanding. I want to strengthen our connection.

Sometimes, however, a material gift does get in our way, deflecting us from our purpose. Because of that, I feel that no material gift, regardless of how pure or thoughtful or amazing it is, can be considered the greatest. The greatest gift cuts out the middleman. Rather than a simple expression, the greatest thing you can give is yourself.

Giving yourself means giving your attention to someone. In the context of the greatest gift, attention means something beyond its common meaning. It usually is social contact, chitchatting, and simple interaction. This kind of attention can be given easily and can easily be insincere. Giving your true attention to someone is much more complex than that. It is important to really devote yourself to that person in your experience of them. It is not easy. It takes spiritual energy to be attentive to the spiritual needs of someone else.

Listen.

Be with the other person. That's what it's really all about. The greatest gift between two people is a coming together.

The greatest gift in appearance would be quite commonplace: a dad playing football with his son, a teacher tutoring her student after hours, a priest counseling one of the troubled faithful, a doctor & nurse treating a patient, best friends reminiscing, two lovers in bed. These are all basic examples with matter-of-fact explanations. They don't have to be instances of the greatest gift. Parenting, teaching, ministry, medicine, friendship, and sex can just be what they are. Then again, that's only looking at the appearance, and the greatest gift is all about essence. The identity of a thing is derived from its essence.

Care (again, remember the truer definition of the term) is crucial in determining when a miracle of interpersonal exchange is happening. That decides the intentions of the gift-giver. Anything can be done physically, denying the spiritual element in whole or in part. The greatest gift is given with full integrity because only the two people involved can decide to believe that it is sincere, and only the giver can know for sure if it is.

We are all sufferers. That is part of being human. When you give yourself, when you give genuine, true attention to someone who is suffering, that is a miracle. Devotion, listening, and truly being with someone... those things create a spiritual connection. And that allows the father to show his love to his son feeling too much stress. This kind of giving lets the teacher spend some quality time with her student who might feel lost. It gives the priest a chance to really guide someone in crisis. Devoted medical professionals finally get to care for the person as a whole. Best friends can really listen to each other and see where they are in their lives. And, being together allows two lovers to find acceptance in a physical act of love.

These are the greatest gifts. These are miracles.