How am I Imprisoned?

I believe every person faces imprisonment in some way and at some point during their lives, or maybe even throughout their lives. The most obvious form is legal incarceration. I take nothing away from that, it is definitely one of the most difficult forms otherwise our society would not have deemed it appropriate for punishment. However, imprisonment exists in many other manifestations as well. Health, both mental and physical, is a major factor. We can be severely confined by a relationship, by a job, by our desires, even by our beliefs. It is not always a question of whether those things are right or wrong. More important is how they make us feel and what we decide to do about those feelings.

In college I took an introductory psychology course, and one of the most fascinating sections focused on the nature of the will. Our class studied all the basic psychological aspects of the will. What is relevant here is something called the locus of control. Some people have a very strong internal locus of control while others have one that is strongly external. Essentially, it's a question of whether your will is more influenced by you or your environment. To my former professor's likely dismay, I believe or at least I hope that question is up to our choice more than has been traditionally thought.

Speaking from experience, I know that I have no say over other people or the outside world. My right lung will tell you that sometimes I don't even have control of my own body. Many times I am unable to decide how those things affect me. I do know, though, that I have complete control over what I choose to do about those things. I have several options. Depending on what happens or the nature of the imprisonment, I can choose to fight back and find a way to free myself, I can choose to accept it, I can choose to survive it until I can fight it, I can choose to seek help, or I can make some other choice. The essence here is that even when there are forces acting on me, I am still the one who is dictating terms.

One of the things I face is an incarceration of patience. There are many aspects of my life that require waiting. Things are always off in the distance. The chase is alive and well. I need foresight, endurance, and a type of long-term patience to get through it. Contrary to these things, I also need shortsightedness. Without losing sight of roads' end, I must remember I can only do today what will get me to tomorrow. And I need to be able to admit when I need a helping hand & the support of another. It is a step-by-step process, but I decide where and when the steps will go.

The Prisoner: First Draft excerpts (Part I)

It's been a while! I have put PRESCHOOL PARABLE on the back burner for now. Health issues not only kept me away from the weblog, but they gave me new inspiration as well. Life changes, we readapt and find our way through. My latest is a piece called The Prisoner about a death row inmate and a prison guard. I present to you excerpts from the first draft of Part I.

Excerpt 1:

"It was hot, definitely. I'm sure, at the time, sweat poured down his face, but I don't think that was first in his mind. When you come to this part of Desert County Prison, this is your last stop. There's nothing left, no time served, no good behavior, no parole, no appeals, nothing.

This jailhouse had a façade. It was almost like the
steeple of a country church. Now, that can be a good or a bad thing, depending on your perspective. I can't say what he thought then, as he and his two escorts climbed the four uneven, and newly poured, concrete stairs with rattling chains and heavy footsteps. Then they had to open the big, black doors so he could see his new home. ..."

I was recently made aware of the story of Mario Rocha who, as a teenager in LA, was falsely accused, arrested, and tried & convicted. There's a great documentary on DVD called Mario's Story about the struggle to vacate his conviction. I identified with the story particularly because Mario is a writer. It's hard for me to believe the things through which he persevered. But I think we all can identify with feelings of imprisonment. The main character of my story experiences it a little differently than the innocent Mario.

Excerpt 2:

... I turned to leave, but he breathed a breath that told me he was about to say something important.

"I deserve to die for my crimes."

Only the truth of this hit me.

So I said, "Yes you do." ...