Words are very important to me. For many obvious reasons, both artistic and personal, I have always had an interest in being able to find and use the right words in a given situation. The artistic importance of this is pretty self-evident. As for the personal, well, that comes from a life of needing to express myself through words. Ironically, that is easier said than done. It is mostly intuitive. I don't read words of the day or look through the thesaurus. I am blessed with a great memory that allows me to simply pick up great words here and there. And I try not to force their use.
My meditation practices are also fairly commonplace: concentrating on breathing, counting, humming a simple sustained note, or just being mindful of my own thoughts. Another thing I like to do is to choose a word, close my eyes, and focus deeply on what that one, particular word means to me.
Lately, I've been meditating on clarity. There is an analogy I read about somewhere that says the mind is like a glass of water with sediment in it. When your thoughts get all mixed up and start flying around, it's like sediment getting dusted up and clouding the water in the glass. In order to think more effectively, you need to slow down and relax and basically stop thinking. Then, the sediment sinks to the bottom and the water in the glass becomes clear.
So my meditation has been to try and maintain careful focus on clarity, and only clarity. I mean this literally. For weeks, I would concentrate on attempting to keep my mind clear. Each time I sensed random thought creeping in, I would repeat (not verbally) the word "clarity" to myself until any other thought passed away. Eventually, one thought began to come back continually. It was a conversation I'd had with my aunt about the idea of practice. That is, both practicing some particular event in your mind before actually carrying it out, as well as the act of putting things into practice. My view of it is that each time we put something into practice, it is our chance to do it the right way in that moment and also to use it as an opportunity to practice & prepare for future moments.
I knew, then, that the meaning of clarity had something to do with practice. I needed to figure out what that was. Now, most of my meditation sessions involve using more than one technique. The mind ties them all together. After the "clarity" technique, I would always listen to my thoughts without trying to control them. Finally, one day the words "clarity, practice, balance" came to me, in that order. Eureka!
Balance has always been important to me. I'm an optimist by nature, but as I've gotten older I've tried to pair that with realism. Balance is where I find that. I believe it is very difficult for us to keep a clear focus when we fall to extremes. Whether it's gluttony or starvation, moving hard to either side of the emotional spectrum can cloud our judgment. If the water in the glass is knocked off balance, the sediment at the bottom will dust up as the water finds its own level.
Since this insight, my mantra has been these three words: Clarity Practice Balance. It tells me that a clear mind is found by practicing balance at each opportunity.
Clarity. Practice. Balance.
Showing posts with label Philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Philosophy. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My First Quarter-Century
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. I spent the weekend leading up to it first celebrating the birthdays of my mom and brother the week before and then thinking about what it meant for me to have lived 25 years. I thought about it both in context with just this past year and with all 25 together. You know, I consider myself to be pretty well-adjusted and I have a healthy self-esteem, but I also strive to be humble and I have a hard time just giving myself big-time compliments. That being said, however, I feel compelled to do just that this time.
I'm very proud of myself. I view reaching the age of 25 as a major achievement in my life. There is something significant about the age in general, but it means more for me. I had a chance to discuss it with my mom. She remarked lightly, "Who would've thunk it 25 years ago?" I thought about that a little more seriously, and responded, "How about 22 years ago?". Of course, this was a reference to the age of my diagnosis. And in 1986, the outlook in those informational pamphlets was grim for all boys by the age of 18.
Oh, I've had my chances to step out, as my friend would so eloquently say. When I call my most recent health challenge -- which ended in that most successful surgery -- a struggle, I really mean it. I was really weakened battling those wounds. I honestly believed I was at my bottom when I found out surgery was necessary, and there were a couple of weeks where I didn't feel like my body would be able to withstand that stress. But, I had to man up and do it, like it or not. This is the reason why I feel I have achieved so much in the last month. I found strength at my lowest point and willed my way through.
I read through the year in review I posted around the time of my last birthday, and there is definitely the sense of declining health for me as I read it. There are so many heavy topics for discussion in it. So much seriousness, so much pain. I was ready for it to be over then, but obviously there was much more fun in store. I'm glad for it, though, because now I feel stronger than ever. My breathing is good and getting better. I feel like I have work to do and the energy to get it done. My appetite is excellent, and always ready for more. I even feel my senses heightened.
For all these reasons and more, 25 is a big, big deal. And this year, I plan on bringing the focus back to regular, happy things. I'm going to work on my writing and continue to be published. I have to keep spoiling my nieces & nephews. I want to enjoy more of life's simple pleasures like good music or a nice bottle of red. Most importantly, I have a social life to renew. It is definitely grand to go from needing to find a surgeon & a way to get better to wanting to find a girlfriend & have a relationship. Enough seriousness. For now, I'll take the little things.
There's no time to lose!
I'm very proud of myself. I view reaching the age of 25 as a major achievement in my life. There is something significant about the age in general, but it means more for me. I had a chance to discuss it with my mom. She remarked lightly, "Who would've thunk it 25 years ago?" I thought about that a little more seriously, and responded, "How about 22 years ago?". Of course, this was a reference to the age of my diagnosis. And in 1986, the outlook in those informational pamphlets was grim for all boys by the age of 18.
Oh, I've had my chances to step out, as my friend would so eloquently say. When I call my most recent health challenge -- which ended in that most successful surgery -- a struggle, I really mean it. I was really weakened battling those wounds. I honestly believed I was at my bottom when I found out surgery was necessary, and there were a couple of weeks where I didn't feel like my body would be able to withstand that stress. But, I had to man up and do it, like it or not. This is the reason why I feel I have achieved so much in the last month. I found strength at my lowest point and willed my way through.
I read through the year in review I posted around the time of my last birthday, and there is definitely the sense of declining health for me as I read it. There are so many heavy topics for discussion in it. So much seriousness, so much pain. I was ready for it to be over then, but obviously there was much more fun in store. I'm glad for it, though, because now I feel stronger than ever. My breathing is good and getting better. I feel like I have work to do and the energy to get it done. My appetite is excellent, and always ready for more. I even feel my senses heightened.
For all these reasons and more, 25 is a big, big deal. And this year, I plan on bringing the focus back to regular, happy things. I'm going to work on my writing and continue to be published. I have to keep spoiling my nieces & nephews. I want to enjoy more of life's simple pleasures like good music or a nice bottle of red. Most importantly, I have a social life to renew. It is definitely grand to go from needing to find a surgeon & a way to get better to wanting to find a girlfriend & have a relationship. Enough seriousness. For now, I'll take the little things.
There's no time to lose!
Friday, September 12, 2008
What It Means to Be a Trojan
I just recently overcame a big obstacle in my life. After a nearly 2-year health struggle, I ended up facing the need to have surgery. Going into it, I had already used up my strength battling the struggles before. I had already done my best, and I felt like I gave everything I could possibly give. And then I needed to give a little more. I needed to grit my teeth once again and ready for a bigger and more important battle. I knew that my next test would be the only one that mattered. In order to win, I knew I had to be thankful for everything behind me, mindful of everything ahead, and completely focused on the task at hand. And I did that, I succeeded.
I succeeded because I willed myself to feel fresh & prepared for each wave upon wave of pain I went through. I saw all the threats and I knew what they meant, but I didn't turn my back on them, and I could have. No, I faced them. In my mind, it wasn't what I could do, it was what I must do. And all this occurred before I even thought about the difficult part: the surgery itself. Soon, I faced that. Fear, agony, confusion, frustration, anger... these were my opponents. I faced a choice. I could give in to them, forget about all the skills I had that could get me through, and simply hide in a fog of medication and defeat. Or... I could man up and trust all the things that got me to where I was. I could trust in my way of doing things, my faith, knowledge, skills, courage, and my ambition to be victorious. And that's just what I did, I faced it and I succeeded.
The funny thing was I was glad to be in that situation, in my element. Sure it was hard, and it physically did not feel good to go through, but at the same time I knew all the way through that it was where I belonged. It's how I decide who I really am, in the adversity. In those moments of challenge, that's where you see the real you. So I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the opportunity to do something great for myself, to say, "Hey, I'm doing the right things the right way and that's what makes me great."
That's what happens on Saturday for a whole team of Trojans, when USC takes on Ohio State. There comes a time when you realize that Trojan is not just some word or some mascot. It represents something. It means something. It means that you don't run away from the adversity. No, it's just the opposite. You seek it out. You seek the challenge. You put yourself in a position where you're under a threat from your opponent. You put yourself in a position where you can lose. Not only that, not only do you seek out your adversaries willingly, but you enjoy doing it! You are glad that your whole season, that everything you worked for and everything you're trying to achieve is all on the line.
This is a great thing. Why? No risk, no reward. What good is a victory you don't earn? What good is winning & success when it doesn't cost you your hard work, your body, your spirit? When you face your toughest tests, you want to walk away from them knowing, not feeling or thinking, but knowing that you gave every single thing you had. That you gave as much as the guy standing next to you. When you do that, there is no one that can be let down. And that is how you embody the Trojan. Darrell Rideaux once asked for everything from his teammates, telling them to go out and fight like men, fight like Trojans. And this is what you want to see.
Fight On, Trojans. Beat those Buckeyes.
I succeeded because I willed myself to feel fresh & prepared for each wave upon wave of pain I went through. I saw all the threats and I knew what they meant, but I didn't turn my back on them, and I could have. No, I faced them. In my mind, it wasn't what I could do, it was what I must do. And all this occurred before I even thought about the difficult part: the surgery itself. Soon, I faced that. Fear, agony, confusion, frustration, anger... these were my opponents. I faced a choice. I could give in to them, forget about all the skills I had that could get me through, and simply hide in a fog of medication and defeat. Or... I could man up and trust all the things that got me to where I was. I could trust in my way of doing things, my faith, knowledge, skills, courage, and my ambition to be victorious. And that's just what I did, I faced it and I succeeded.
The funny thing was I was glad to be in that situation, in my element. Sure it was hard, and it physically did not feel good to go through, but at the same time I knew all the way through that it was where I belonged. It's how I decide who I really am, in the adversity. In those moments of challenge, that's where you see the real you. So I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the opportunity to do something great for myself, to say, "Hey, I'm doing the right things the right way and that's what makes me great."
That's what happens on Saturday for a whole team of Trojans, when USC takes on Ohio State. There comes a time when you realize that Trojan is not just some word or some mascot. It represents something. It means something. It means that you don't run away from the adversity. No, it's just the opposite. You seek it out. You seek the challenge. You put yourself in a position where you're under a threat from your opponent. You put yourself in a position where you can lose. Not only that, not only do you seek out your adversaries willingly, but you enjoy doing it! You are glad that your whole season, that everything you worked for and everything you're trying to achieve is all on the line.
This is a great thing. Why? No risk, no reward. What good is a victory you don't earn? What good is winning & success when it doesn't cost you your hard work, your body, your spirit? When you face your toughest tests, you want to walk away from them knowing, not feeling or thinking, but knowing that you gave every single thing you had. That you gave as much as the guy standing next to you. When you do that, there is no one that can be let down. And that is how you embody the Trojan. Darrell Rideaux once asked for everything from his teammates, telling them to go out and fight like men, fight like Trojans. And this is what you want to see.
Fight On, Trojans. Beat those Buckeyes.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Wisdom is Knowing Where to Look
I once heard this wise woman speak. She was the type of person who could see things about people, things that others couldn't, or wouldn't see. She said, "If you want to find God don't look up, look around." The older I get, the more I realize how much this statement influences the role faith plays in my life. Personally, I believe anyone who can sit down and definitively say, "God is this," or "God is that," is either lying or crazy. I wouldn't ever presume to define totally who or what God is. I'm always careful to preface my feelings on this subject that it does come down to unprovable faith. My worldview works because it comes from my experience, and it's one that can't be totally understood unless someone else could somehow have exactly the same experience. One thing I do know is that the verb "to know" has no place in this discussion. However, that makes faith all the more meaningful. I do not know, and because of that, I believe.
I believe in this wise woman's statement. When we look around, we might see the signs: beauty & Art; nature, the ordered universe, and science; freedom, truth, and love. Most of all, we might see it in ourselves and in the other people around us. It is unfortunate that the easiest way comes in the void left when a loved one leaves us. When we mourn the absence of that person, we remind ourselves of all the things they brought to us. In the best of circumstances, they bring us together. Beyond the specific gifts and memories each person leaves behind, they all teach us to look to each other and see God in that most unclear place, within ourselves and within others.
But why is it unclear? We get caught up in daily life, which is only natural, and I believe we're not used to looking. I've always thought media perception is so contrived, and I find it most hollow when celebrities talk about giving all their glory to God and then they point up into the sky. Now I don't judge others' self-expression, and pointing to the sky is not a problem in and of itself, but what does it say when the appearance of faith is more important than the faith itself? Why does it matter that strangers know what you believe?
So, it takes a lot of practice to see spirit clearly in other people, in all people, especially in our day-to-day lives. In spite of that, I believe the faith it takes to keep that practice going leads to a realization that the most vivid experience of God is in humanity. It is simultaneously the experience most vulnerable to a loss of faith. People are capable of a full range of kind and terrible acts. The challenge of faith is easy to understand when you can see both love and hate in the same being. Equally challenging is the loss of a loved one. They can bring us together, but that is in the best of circumstances. Everyone grieves differently, and this kind of adversity can also drive people apart. This points to the importance of seeing God in ourselves.
What irritates me more than Celebrity Faith is faith dependent on the outcome of events, or as I call it: Results-Based Faith. It is my belief that if we can see God in ourselves and strive toward that ideal, then bad things can happen without harming us. My goal is being the best I can in this life, not setting a standard for myself that is unreachable.
I look around at the amazing things in this world, and I make damn sure I take pleasure in them completely.
I believe in this wise woman's statement. When we look around, we might see the signs: beauty & Art; nature, the ordered universe, and science; freedom, truth, and love. Most of all, we might see it in ourselves and in the other people around us. It is unfortunate that the easiest way comes in the void left when a loved one leaves us. When we mourn the absence of that person, we remind ourselves of all the things they brought to us. In the best of circumstances, they bring us together. Beyond the specific gifts and memories each person leaves behind, they all teach us to look to each other and see God in that most unclear place, within ourselves and within others.
But why is it unclear? We get caught up in daily life, which is only natural, and I believe we're not used to looking. I've always thought media perception is so contrived, and I find it most hollow when celebrities talk about giving all their glory to God and then they point up into the sky. Now I don't judge others' self-expression, and pointing to the sky is not a problem in and of itself, but what does it say when the appearance of faith is more important than the faith itself? Why does it matter that strangers know what you believe?
So, it takes a lot of practice to see spirit clearly in other people, in all people, especially in our day-to-day lives. In spite of that, I believe the faith it takes to keep that practice going leads to a realization that the most vivid experience of God is in humanity. It is simultaneously the experience most vulnerable to a loss of faith. People are capable of a full range of kind and terrible acts. The challenge of faith is easy to understand when you can see both love and hate in the same being. Equally challenging is the loss of a loved one. They can bring us together, but that is in the best of circumstances. Everyone grieves differently, and this kind of adversity can also drive people apart. This points to the importance of seeing God in ourselves.
What irritates me more than Celebrity Faith is faith dependent on the outcome of events, or as I call it: Results-Based Faith. It is my belief that if we can see God in ourselves and strive toward that ideal, then bad things can happen without harming us. My goal is being the best I can in this life, not setting a standard for myself that is unreachable.
I look around at the amazing things in this world, and I make damn sure I take pleasure in them completely.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Unbound
I've been dealing with some health issues for much of the last two years. Recently, there was a complication that will require correction by surgery. The outpouring of support for me has been tremendous, as usual. But by no means do I take it for granted as, again, I feel extremely fortunate and blessed. Just this past week alone has given me much to reflect on with regard to friendship.
I spent this past Tuesday evening with two old but extremely close friends I hadn't seen in a long time. They are lovers who have been together forever, it seems like. He works in asset management up in Pasadena, and She is a receptionist at a local silk screening place. All we did was have pizza & beer together and then watch a little TV, and yet so much more took place. As I've written before, sharing a meal (being at table) with loved ones is a sacred thing, no matter how informal. I'm an emotional guy, and I already know that I will grow more emotional when I near my surgery date, which will then be the time to exchange affection & loving words. What I needed that Tuesday night was simply to talk and to relax, something easy to do when laughter is the favorite past time of this couple & I.
Wednesday and Thursday of last week took me way back, all the way to memories of the elementary school days. On Wednesday, two friends (who are both brothers of the guy I went to school with) and their mom, as well as another young lady & friend to us all, stopped by to talk and reminisce. The guys and I looked forward, discussing things like musical inspiration, college majors, and life philosophy. They reminded me of me: bright and positive, looking at the good. It was a boost I needed at exactly that time. "Smile, we are alive," one great friend said.
Thursday was another trip in the Wayback Machine, as I saw another beautiful friend who also went to grade school with me. She and I had not seen each other in five years, by my count. When she arrived, my mom attended to the door telling me that some gorgeous woman was approaching. My mom was certainly right, yet at the same time the beauty I refer to came from finding myself on the same wavelength with this other wonderful person. And, quite truthfully, the two of us had not really had a meaningful conversation since the end of grade school. Remarkable. We spoke of many things: freedom and goals and expressing love and overcoming adversity. Surprise, surprise, more philosophy with me.
The next few days saw visits from my godfather and aunt, a married couple I knew from my SC years, and my brother, sister-in-law, niece & nephew. They were all similarly simple and yet meaningful. My aunt and godfather have always made me feel so comfortable with my own maturity, which has come from my individual life experience. Without fail, my godfather finds the time to get my take on things, adult to adult. I always find myself up late talking and talking with that particular married couple from college, and I always love it. They're so at home with me. That brings me comfort. At last, I closed the weekend gathered with my niece & nephew and their parents and grandparents, singing Irish folk songs together.
When I think about friendship and friends, I make a significant distinction between those things and acquaintances. My friends are people I deeply love. One major aspect of friendship that strikes me is the form of love it takes. Friendship is unbound love.
Love between friends comes with no built-in barrier. People may place limits, but only by choice. To me, this is the greatest advantage the love of friendship has. Individuals unrelated by blood can become family through it, and this has happened many times over for me. I have a few sisters, and many brothers, thanks to my realization regarding unbound love. When appropriate, younger & older generations can become equals through friendship. I believe one form of this is children aging and then beginning to assume caretaker roles for their parents. Lastly, this definition of friendship can allow friends refraining from any sort of limit to become lovers. Especially strong romantic love is born out of the unbound love of friendship.
These are just some of my inspirations on friendship from this past week.
I spent this past Tuesday evening with two old but extremely close friends I hadn't seen in a long time. They are lovers who have been together forever, it seems like. He works in asset management up in Pasadena, and She is a receptionist at a local silk screening place. All we did was have pizza & beer together and then watch a little TV, and yet so much more took place. As I've written before, sharing a meal (being at table) with loved ones is a sacred thing, no matter how informal. I'm an emotional guy, and I already know that I will grow more emotional when I near my surgery date, which will then be the time to exchange affection & loving words. What I needed that Tuesday night was simply to talk and to relax, something easy to do when laughter is the favorite past time of this couple & I.
Wednesday and Thursday of last week took me way back, all the way to memories of the elementary school days. On Wednesday, two friends (who are both brothers of the guy I went to school with) and their mom, as well as another young lady & friend to us all, stopped by to talk and reminisce. The guys and I looked forward, discussing things like musical inspiration, college majors, and life philosophy. They reminded me of me: bright and positive, looking at the good. It was a boost I needed at exactly that time. "Smile, we are alive," one great friend said.
Thursday was another trip in the Wayback Machine, as I saw another beautiful friend who also went to grade school with me. She and I had not seen each other in five years, by my count. When she arrived, my mom attended to the door telling me that some gorgeous woman was approaching. My mom was certainly right, yet at the same time the beauty I refer to came from finding myself on the same wavelength with this other wonderful person. And, quite truthfully, the two of us had not really had a meaningful conversation since the end of grade school. Remarkable. We spoke of many things: freedom and goals and expressing love and overcoming adversity. Surprise, surprise, more philosophy with me.
The next few days saw visits from my godfather and aunt, a married couple I knew from my SC years, and my brother, sister-in-law, niece & nephew. They were all similarly simple and yet meaningful. My aunt and godfather have always made me feel so comfortable with my own maturity, which has come from my individual life experience. Without fail, my godfather finds the time to get my take on things, adult to adult. I always find myself up late talking and talking with that particular married couple from college, and I always love it. They're so at home with me. That brings me comfort. At last, I closed the weekend gathered with my niece & nephew and their parents and grandparents, singing Irish folk songs together.
When I think about friendship and friends, I make a significant distinction between those things and acquaintances. My friends are people I deeply love. One major aspect of friendship that strikes me is the form of love it takes. Friendship is unbound love.
Love between friends comes with no built-in barrier. People may place limits, but only by choice. To me, this is the greatest advantage the love of friendship has. Individuals unrelated by blood can become family through it, and this has happened many times over for me. I have a few sisters, and many brothers, thanks to my realization regarding unbound love. When appropriate, younger & older generations can become equals through friendship. I believe one form of this is children aging and then beginning to assume caretaker roles for their parents. Lastly, this definition of friendship can allow friends refraining from any sort of limit to become lovers. Especially strong romantic love is born out of the unbound love of friendship.
These are just some of my inspirations on friendship from this past week.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Super Tiger
In the past six months, Tiger Woods officially played in seven golf tournaments. He won five of them, including his second-place finish at the Masters in April and his 14th Major Championship win at the U.S. Open this past weekend. As remarkable as this is, there's something amiss. What's the problem? The problem is that Tiger Woods tore his ACL. Last July.
Following this year's Masters, Tiger had arthroscopic surgery to clean up some cartilage that was damaged as a result of playing golf on a torn knee. Two weeks before the Open, he suffered a double stress fracture in the tibia on the same leg. The doctor said treatment involved six weeks without golf. Tiger said, "I'm playing in the U.S. Open, and I'm going to win." That is precisely what he did.
That highlight video is the best I can find, and it gives you a sense of the exceptional nature of Tiger's play. However, the incredible putts and chips, the gargantuan tee shots, those are only the products of Woods' greatness. The biggest highlight isn't conducive to a three-minute clip. The biggest highlight is how this gladiator, this warrior, this man gritted his teeth and endured 91 holes of USGA torture. That's right... four rounds, an 18-hole playoff, and one sudden-death hole on one leg without a word about what was wrong. Now, that is a grinder.
I'm not much for celebrity, and I know how much perception can be manipulated, so I'll never know for sure. But in my opinion, the source of Woods' greatness is in his mind and, dare I say, in his spirit. Mental toughness, strength, even courage, it is not an exaggeration to find these things in someone like Tiger. And all that we see on TV is only a tenth of the exhausting work, the effort, and the heart that he puts in. Despite the money, despite the fame, that's integrity, because no one will ever know the soul put into the work.
Add to the above the practice of repetition, of repeatedly doing the right things to get you to where you want to go, as well as the presence at the end of the day to be a husband and be a father and you will get a recipe for all the things I learned by watching a golf tournament last weekend. With tomorrow being the one-year anniversary of my launching this blog, I hope to incorporate into my writing over the next year the things I learned from Tiger which are also things others have long told me.
And maybe Elin Woods' twin sister is available, too...
Following this year's Masters, Tiger had arthroscopic surgery to clean up some cartilage that was damaged as a result of playing golf on a torn knee. Two weeks before the Open, he suffered a double stress fracture in the tibia on the same leg. The doctor said treatment involved six weeks without golf. Tiger said, "I'm playing in the U.S. Open, and I'm going to win." That is precisely what he did.
That highlight video is the best I can find, and it gives you a sense of the exceptional nature of Tiger's play. However, the incredible putts and chips, the gargantuan tee shots, those are only the products of Woods' greatness. The biggest highlight isn't conducive to a three-minute clip. The biggest highlight is how this gladiator, this warrior, this man gritted his teeth and endured 91 holes of USGA torture. That's right... four rounds, an 18-hole playoff, and one sudden-death hole on one leg without a word about what was wrong. Now, that is a grinder.
I'm not much for celebrity, and I know how much perception can be manipulated, so I'll never know for sure. But in my opinion, the source of Woods' greatness is in his mind and, dare I say, in his spirit. Mental toughness, strength, even courage, it is not an exaggeration to find these things in someone like Tiger. And all that we see on TV is only a tenth of the exhausting work, the effort, and the heart that he puts in. Despite the money, despite the fame, that's integrity, because no one will ever know the soul put into the work.
Add to the above the practice of repetition, of repeatedly doing the right things to get you to where you want to go, as well as the presence at the end of the day to be a husband and be a father and you will get a recipe for all the things I learned by watching a golf tournament last weekend. With tomorrow being the one-year anniversary of my launching this blog, I hope to incorporate into my writing over the next year the things I learned from Tiger which are also things others have long told me.
And maybe Elin Woods' twin sister is available, too...
Monday, June 9, 2008
To live and die in LA
A friend of mine is taking a class on Los Angeles culture. He asked me to participate in a survey for one of his research papers, and upon reading the questions, I thought my answers would make a great blog entry. Here they are:
1. Use one word to describe Los Angeles and explain why you chose that particular word.
Freedom. Both literally and figuratively, Los Angeles is a sprawling, wide-open place. Your experience here is mostly up to you, you get what you put in. This is both good and bad. There is no handholding or safety net in Los Angeles, and that quality is definitely not for everyone. However, for people who are self-starters, the freedom in LA is great because you are responsible for the risks you take but at the same time, you earn the rewards, and these are considerable when you get to be the one determining them.
2. What do you see as some of the most positive aspects of Los Angeles?
The weather is great year-round. Being on the coast, the ocean is literally a short drive away. It is a great sports town, as far as the teams are concerned. There is a ton of variety as far as having things to do. For any type of person, there are innumerable places to go and activities to participate in on any given day.
3. What do you see as some of the most negative aspects of Los Angeles?
The traffic is the single worst part of Los Angeles. It does factor into almost every decision with regard to going and doing things in LA because of the time impact. Public transportation is mediocre at best, and very poorly designed. The sports fans, in general, are not as great as the teams. They are too fair-weather, only showing support when the teams are winning championships. Less superficially, both the actual danger and the perception of danger in urban areas are significant negatives.
4. Do you feel a sense of community in Los Angeles? If so, what unites the people? If not, what are the sources of division?
There is a definite sense of community in Los Angeles. Part of it comes from the variety of the people. In many places, variety drives people apart, but in Los Angeles the people seem to have molded their own, new culture out of a combination of all the background traditions of each person living here. The people of Los Angeles are most united by the fact that they know you have to live here and appreciate this place in order to understand it.
5. If someone you knew was moving to Los Angeles, what advice would you give him/her?
The first thing I would tell her is to buy a reliable, high gas mileage automobile. Never underestimate the importance of that. Also, on a more philosophical level, I would tell her to try and keep her mind as free and open as I believe Los Angeles is. Don't try to pin the place down or quickly define it without spending a good amount of time here. The whole Hollywood thing is overblown, and a lot of people new to the area make the mistake of thinking Hollywood is all there is.
6. How do you see Los Angeles in 50 years? What are your hopes for L.A.? What are your fears?
50 years is a really long time... by that time, Los Angeles could be the capital of Mexico, Canada, or China for that matter. I'm not sure where I see myself in 50 years. In the future, I see downtown becoming more of a social destination especially as it is beginning to be cleaned up. I see many of the urban areas, that have been given up on, returning to neighborhoods and communities again. My fear for LA is that the common culture that all of the people here have created gets eroded by political correctness. I'm afraid of the possibility of the city losing its openness if the people turn away from what unites them. My hope for LA is that all of the great things about this city only get stronger, and the people are able to fix the weaknesses. I hope that Los Angeles installs a new, efficient public transportation system that is well-designed, perhaps a monorail, so that the one big negative is eliminated once and for all.
1. Use one word to describe Los Angeles and explain why you chose that particular word.
Freedom. Both literally and figuratively, Los Angeles is a sprawling, wide-open place. Your experience here is mostly up to you, you get what you put in. This is both good and bad. There is no handholding or safety net in Los Angeles, and that quality is definitely not for everyone. However, for people who are self-starters, the freedom in LA is great because you are responsible for the risks you take but at the same time, you earn the rewards, and these are considerable when you get to be the one determining them.
2. What do you see as some of the most positive aspects of Los Angeles?
The weather is great year-round. Being on the coast, the ocean is literally a short drive away. It is a great sports town, as far as the teams are concerned. There is a ton of variety as far as having things to do. For any type of person, there are innumerable places to go and activities to participate in on any given day.
3. What do you see as some of the most negative aspects of Los Angeles?
The traffic is the single worst part of Los Angeles. It does factor into almost every decision with regard to going and doing things in LA because of the time impact. Public transportation is mediocre at best, and very poorly designed. The sports fans, in general, are not as great as the teams. They are too fair-weather, only showing support when the teams are winning championships. Less superficially, both the actual danger and the perception of danger in urban areas are significant negatives.
4. Do you feel a sense of community in Los Angeles? If so, what unites the people? If not, what are the sources of division?
There is a definite sense of community in Los Angeles. Part of it comes from the variety of the people. In many places, variety drives people apart, but in Los Angeles the people seem to have molded their own, new culture out of a combination of all the background traditions of each person living here. The people of Los Angeles are most united by the fact that they know you have to live here and appreciate this place in order to understand it.
5. If someone you knew was moving to Los Angeles, what advice would you give him/her?
The first thing I would tell her is to buy a reliable, high gas mileage automobile. Never underestimate the importance of that. Also, on a more philosophical level, I would tell her to try and keep her mind as free and open as I believe Los Angeles is. Don't try to pin the place down or quickly define it without spending a good amount of time here. The whole Hollywood thing is overblown, and a lot of people new to the area make the mistake of thinking Hollywood is all there is.
6. How do you see Los Angeles in 50 years? What are your hopes for L.A.? What are your fears?
50 years is a really long time... by that time, Los Angeles could be the capital of Mexico, Canada, or China for that matter. I'm not sure where I see myself in 50 years. In the future, I see downtown becoming more of a social destination especially as it is beginning to be cleaned up. I see many of the urban areas, that have been given up on, returning to neighborhoods and communities again. My fear for LA is that the common culture that all of the people here have created gets eroded by political correctness. I'm afraid of the possibility of the city losing its openness if the people turn away from what unites them. My hope for LA is that all of the great things about this city only get stronger, and the people are able to fix the weaknesses. I hope that Los Angeles installs a new, efficient public transportation system that is well-designed, perhaps a monorail, so that the one big negative is eliminated once and for all.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Once Music is mystical
Music seems to be very mystical. I'm always astounded by the way it can fill an otherwise still room with the most vivid, nearly tangible emotions. Depending on which emotion it is, the style of music can transport us to another place, it can cause us to change shape, or even disappear. At its best, it can take the musicians creating it and transform them into one organism.
If we reduce music down to its elements, those being (for our purposes) sound, rhythm, melody and harmony, we can see how it relates right down to the very basics of our humanity. We need life, first and foremost, which is kept thriving by the cycles in nature and governed by the order of the universe. Most every entity is greater than the sum of its parts. This is especially true for human beings. A human being, soulful and alive, is all those processes physical, mental, & emotional working in concert. The pieces are useless alone, and yet something is still missing within the mechanism of the pieces together. Music is still just a theory in this stage. It takes something more transcendent to bring music out of the void.
Creativity.
Something spiritual is necessary here. It is a giving and receiving. Just as I pointed out how music transforms a group of musicians into an entity, they must first create and nourish this thing before it gives back to them. The essence is out there, always. We give it form.
I saw Once for the second time this morning and can certainly say it is another favorite, a new favorite, of mine. It will be hard for any film to top Into the Wild for its depth of meaning as it relates to my life. But Once comes as close to that meaning as I can expect. I love, love, love how John Carney juxtaposes the down-and-out natures of the lives of both Guy & Girl with the purity and heights reached by the music they make together. This is an example of sublimation at its finest. Girl, while incredibly well-adjusted, is the picture of functional destitution. She is very poor but makes enough to feed her daughter & mother. Guy, while quite secure financially, is bereft of all social graces and romanticism. He has everything he needs, save for a crucial kick in the pants that is now necessary after losing his lover. Together in music, the Girl and the Guy live out their ideal selves in their ideal lives.
If we reduce music down to its elements, those being (for our purposes) sound, rhythm, melody and harmony, we can see how it relates right down to the very basics of our humanity. We need life, first and foremost, which is kept thriving by the cycles in nature and governed by the order of the universe. Most every entity is greater than the sum of its parts. This is especially true for human beings. A human being, soulful and alive, is all those processes physical, mental, & emotional working in concert. The pieces are useless alone, and yet something is still missing within the mechanism of the pieces together. Music is still just a theory in this stage. It takes something more transcendent to bring music out of the void.
Creativity.
Something spiritual is necessary here. It is a giving and receiving. Just as I pointed out how music transforms a group of musicians into an entity, they must first create and nourish this thing before it gives back to them. The essence is out there, always. We give it form.
I saw Once for the second time this morning and can certainly say it is another favorite, a new favorite, of mine. It will be hard for any film to top Into the Wild for its depth of meaning as it relates to my life. But Once comes as close to that meaning as I can expect. I love, love, love how John Carney juxtaposes the down-and-out natures of the lives of both Guy & Girl with the purity and heights reached by the music they make together. This is an example of sublimation at its finest. Girl, while incredibly well-adjusted, is the picture of functional destitution. She is very poor but makes enough to feed her daughter & mother. Guy, while quite secure financially, is bereft of all social graces and romanticism. He has everything he needs, save for a crucial kick in the pants that is now necessary after losing his lover. Together in music, the Girl and the Guy live out their ideal selves in their ideal lives.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Ireland Forever
A quick entry today, in commemoration of St. Patrick's Day 2008. It has always made me uneasy to think of myself as being defined by the geographical location of my ancestors' birth. At the same time, however, I cannot deny having a particular affinity for all things Irish. I have always felt that one of the greatest mistakes an American can make is to not realize they are an American. I love who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way. While it may be literally true in this case, I don't think the grass is greener on the other side, figuratively speaking.
However, when I hear those familiar melodies of traditional Irish folk music, I feel a deep connection inside to all those people and all those events that contributed to putting me where I am. I cannot deny that the Irish fiddle & flute and the Uilleann pipes strike a chord within me. I envision some kind of cinematic flyover across the ocean as the mist and clouds give way to lush, green fields appearing right before my eyes. Admittedly, it's a grand, romanticized vision, but it's mine nonetheless. Perhaps certain traditions from certain cultures do that for all of us.
Whatever it is, it is a blessing to be a part of, and as I learn more and more, the connections between the me of today and my ancestors of the past become eerie. After all, my family name means: "sea warrior".
All best.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Soon, I'll be doing a full write-up of my impressions of the film, INTO THE WILD, which I give my highest recommendation. See it in the very near future, if you can. I don't want to spoil anything for those who are looking forward to it.
However, when I hear those familiar melodies of traditional Irish folk music, I feel a deep connection inside to all those people and all those events that contributed to putting me where I am. I cannot deny that the Irish fiddle & flute and the Uilleann pipes strike a chord within me. I envision some kind of cinematic flyover across the ocean as the mist and clouds give way to lush, green fields appearing right before my eyes. Admittedly, it's a grand, romanticized vision, but it's mine nonetheless. Perhaps certain traditions from certain cultures do that for all of us.
Whatever it is, it is a blessing to be a part of, and as I learn more and more, the connections between the me of today and my ancestors of the past become eerie. After all, my family name means: "sea warrior".
All best.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Soon, I'll be doing a full write-up of my impressions of the film, INTO THE WILD, which I give my highest recommendation. See it in the very near future, if you can. I don't want to spoil anything for those who are looking forward to it.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Strength, perception & reality
Just by reading this blog, someone may find it odd that I write this: perception is very important. It has a major effect on all of us in many of the things we do. Expectations are closely related with perception. Psychologically, our expectations of certain results have quite an impact on whether or not they will occur. Of course I believe that getting caught up in how other people might judge me is a bad idea. But, I also know that the best probability I have of projecting a certain image of myself is to perceive myself that way first. If I do that, and if I expect that of myself, chances are I will go beyond perception and actually be that way. Funny how that works.
A common problem for many PWDs (i.e. people with disabilities) occurs socially within dating. Often, these people have issues with getting others to acknowledge them as sexual beings. Quads and paraplegics have to convince others that their bodies still work, albeit differently. A woman must overcome the external impression that she is being taken advantage of. Surprisingly, these issues are often self-imposed as these PWDs are simply worried that the able-bodied individuals they meet are thinking this way when, in reality, many of them are not. It can be very difficult to figure out how to project a date-able image to others.
The first step in this specific problem is for those affected to make an internal adjustment on their impressions of themselves. I went through this exact thing, myself, and it is frustrating. I remember fighting the urge to tell a woman I had just met that, well, you know. The uncertainty and the patience required are difficult to get used to, and it is difficult. Most social situations do not make it easy to get your point across without acting inappropriately. I had to understand that I could only control what I could control. To project myself as a sexual being, I had to perceive it that way, and then leave the outside perceptions up to everyone else.
Eventually, I made my adjustment and I learned the same patience for that scenario as I did for any other. The major roadblock for anyone in that situation is body acceptance. For as long as I can remember, I had a major phobia of a tracheostomy. I can honestly say that I would get emotional just thinking about the potential of me having one. I had the strength to overcome every other change in my appearance, but it took me years and years to accept what that might bring should I ever decide to get one. I did it, though, and the strength it took made the rest pale in comparison.
This has been a good thing for me, as I realize I will need someone extra extra special. So that means I'll get to meet someone extra extra special. My approach to this stuff is essentially my approach to everything else. I think we all need to be strong at some point in our lives. In order to do that, however, we must be able to feel strong. It's kind of an obvious "2+2" thing, but how can we ever have strength when we need it if we don't think we can feel strong?
I've always had powers of observation, and I've been able to maximize my understanding of a thing through a limited amount of experience with it. I have looked down the barrel enough times to realize that I am a very strong person. When I go through things now, or think about potential experiences, I am able to tell myself in good faith that I know I will be able to face it. But there's no substitute for the real thing, and my faith in myself is strongest after I survive literally. It doesn't matter what I survive, just that I survive.
I believe that my adventures are a prime example of how perception and reality depend on one another. To really find myself in an optimal position, I cannot allow myself to be ruled only by the way things are, at the moment. However, in order to remain grounded, I must be vigilant as to how much stock I put into perception, from within and without. On the flip side, my goals will be achieved only when I have the courage to first perceive, and then to be, the thing that I want to be.
A common problem for many PWDs (i.e. people with disabilities) occurs socially within dating. Often, these people have issues with getting others to acknowledge them as sexual beings. Quads and paraplegics have to convince others that their bodies still work, albeit differently. A woman must overcome the external impression that she is being taken advantage of. Surprisingly, these issues are often self-imposed as these PWDs are simply worried that the able-bodied individuals they meet are thinking this way when, in reality, many of them are not. It can be very difficult to figure out how to project a date-able image to others.
The first step in this specific problem is for those affected to make an internal adjustment on their impressions of themselves. I went through this exact thing, myself, and it is frustrating. I remember fighting the urge to tell a woman I had just met that, well, you know. The uncertainty and the patience required are difficult to get used to, and it is difficult. Most social situations do not make it easy to get your point across without acting inappropriately. I had to understand that I could only control what I could control. To project myself as a sexual being, I had to perceive it that way, and then leave the outside perceptions up to everyone else.
Eventually, I made my adjustment and I learned the same patience for that scenario as I did for any other. The major roadblock for anyone in that situation is body acceptance. For as long as I can remember, I had a major phobia of a tracheostomy. I can honestly say that I would get emotional just thinking about the potential of me having one. I had the strength to overcome every other change in my appearance, but it took me years and years to accept what that might bring should I ever decide to get one. I did it, though, and the strength it took made the rest pale in comparison.
This has been a good thing for me, as I realize I will need someone extra extra special. So that means I'll get to meet someone extra extra special. My approach to this stuff is essentially my approach to everything else. I think we all need to be strong at some point in our lives. In order to do that, however, we must be able to feel strong. It's kind of an obvious "2+2" thing, but how can we ever have strength when we need it if we don't think we can feel strong?
I've always had powers of observation, and I've been able to maximize my understanding of a thing through a limited amount of experience with it. I have looked down the barrel enough times to realize that I am a very strong person. When I go through things now, or think about potential experiences, I am able to tell myself in good faith that I know I will be able to face it. But there's no substitute for the real thing, and my faith in myself is strongest after I survive literally. It doesn't matter what I survive, just that I survive.
I believe that my adventures are a prime example of how perception and reality depend on one another. To really find myself in an optimal position, I cannot allow myself to be ruled only by the way things are, at the moment. However, in order to remain grounded, I must be vigilant as to how much stock I put into perception, from within and without. On the flip side, my goals will be achieved only when I have the courage to first perceive, and then to be, the thing that I want to be.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Travel
Most people enjoy a good trip. In some way or another, travel holds appeal for almost everyone. Some people are all about the destination, so they just want to get wherever they're going. Others actually enjoy the journey and include it as a part of the experience. That debate is for another time. Both approaches are encompassed by the concept of travel.
People travel for many reasons, viz.: meditation, vacation, to settle or relocate, for political reasons, to visit others, or just for fun. Trips vary in length and scope, from sailing around the world right down to a day-trip in a car. When I think about my desire to travel, my thoughts always center on one important question.
Am I traveling to escape my world or to expand my world?
In my mind, it is a critical distinction. Any of the aforementioned reasons can be an expansion or an escape. I always think about spiritual retreats, which can either be very good for my daily life, or very bad. Remembering past retreats that I've taken, my most vivid memory is the silence, the peaceful silence. I can't help but refocus my mind almost the instant I step into an environment like that. I make observations about myself, and resolve to change some things while strengthening others.
A good meditation like that does not only learn lessons, but formulates a plan for applying those lessons to daily action. However, sometimes things don't work out as planned, and the retreat simply becomes an escape. I return to the noise of the everyday world and revert back to my everyday self. Sometimes the lessons learned actually make the negative things even worse. They become louder because I was only escaping them.
So it is with travel. It seems patently obvious, but I think sometimes we forget that we are, in fact, bringing ourselves along on the trip. There's no escaping that. I believe that there is an implicit assumption that if we go out into worlds undiscovered, so too will we discover new parts to ourselves, or maybe even a whole new self! Fortunately (in my view), there is no other self waiting for us on the other side of the world.
In fact, those parts of ourselves that we're wishing so dearly for are always there, no matter how deeply buried, regardless of what landmark or mountain range or body of water we're looking at in that moment. Personally, I would much rather find my true self at home and then take that self out to see the wonders of the world, for when I return, I can bring it all back with me. This is the beauty of using travel to expand my world.
When I go forth with all the baggage that makes me who I am -- with the realization that, while I am changed by every experience, no one experience will define me -- I also get to come back with all the new things I learned, memories made, and places made known. The fog of war lifts, and these experiences become a part of the world for me. This makes it easy to channel my lessons into application.
And that is the most important part of the travel. It is ridiculously easy for me to come upon new thoughts about life and say that I believe certain things or that I will do certain actions in a given situation. What is much harder, and much more important, is standing by those beliefs and having the fortitude to do those actions when the situation arises.
Nothing gets left behind.
People travel for many reasons, viz.: meditation, vacation, to settle or relocate, for political reasons, to visit others, or just for fun. Trips vary in length and scope, from sailing around the world right down to a day-trip in a car. When I think about my desire to travel, my thoughts always center on one important question.
Am I traveling to escape my world or to expand my world?
In my mind, it is a critical distinction. Any of the aforementioned reasons can be an expansion or an escape. I always think about spiritual retreats, which can either be very good for my daily life, or very bad. Remembering past retreats that I've taken, my most vivid memory is the silence, the peaceful silence. I can't help but refocus my mind almost the instant I step into an environment like that. I make observations about myself, and resolve to change some things while strengthening others.
A good meditation like that does not only learn lessons, but formulates a plan for applying those lessons to daily action. However, sometimes things don't work out as planned, and the retreat simply becomes an escape. I return to the noise of the everyday world and revert back to my everyday self. Sometimes the lessons learned actually make the negative things even worse. They become louder because I was only escaping them.
So it is with travel. It seems patently obvious, but I think sometimes we forget that we are, in fact, bringing ourselves along on the trip. There's no escaping that. I believe that there is an implicit assumption that if we go out into worlds undiscovered, so too will we discover new parts to ourselves, or maybe even a whole new self! Fortunately (in my view), there is no other self waiting for us on the other side of the world.
In fact, those parts of ourselves that we're wishing so dearly for are always there, no matter how deeply buried, regardless of what landmark or mountain range or body of water we're looking at in that moment. Personally, I would much rather find my true self at home and then take that self out to see the wonders of the world, for when I return, I can bring it all back with me. This is the beauty of using travel to expand my world.
When I go forth with all the baggage that makes me who I am -- with the realization that, while I am changed by every experience, no one experience will define me -- I also get to come back with all the new things I learned, memories made, and places made known. The fog of war lifts, and these experiences become a part of the world for me. This makes it easy to channel my lessons into application.
And that is the most important part of the travel. It is ridiculously easy for me to come upon new thoughts about life and say that I believe certain things or that I will do certain actions in a given situation. What is much harder, and much more important, is standing by those beliefs and having the fortitude to do those actions when the situation arises.
Nothing gets left behind.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Confidence and a positive attitude
I was asked recently if I thought that the terms "confidence" and "positive attitude" were synonymous. My answer to that is, yes, but that the definition of confidence needs to be clear. In general, confidence implies a belief in a measure of certainty with regard to a particular outcome. Confidence means assurance. When we have confidence in ourselves, we are sure of who we are in a certain sense.
Confidence doesn't really carry one connotation or another, it has a neutral definition. In reality, however, any negative idea about confidence changes its definition. Overconfidence is governed by hubris and arrogance. Hubris implies a deluded and inflated self-pride. This leads to arrogance, which occurs when we are too certain of our pending achievements. It is extreme faith in some outcome without any sound reasons on which to base that extreme faith. While it seems, at first glance, that overconfidence is simply being ultra-sure of ourselves and our desired outcomes, we actually have no idea what is going on because we have obscured our senses in this regard.
In the moment, hubris and arrogance would make us believe very strongly but later, looking back, we would realize we knew nothing at all. Indifference is the inverse of overconfidence. This occurs when we have an exaggerated lack of faith in ourselves because we don't care about achieving any outcome, whether that refers to an event or a quality of personal character. Confidence can't work with a negative attitude. It doesn't matter whether people believe in themselves and wish to succeed in life or not. If they do, and yet they look at the rest of the world pessimistically, they're going to end up with a certain level of overconfidence. If people have an entirely cynical outlook all the way around, then indifference is inevitable.
True confidence, or at least my definition, is definitely synonymous with a positive attitude. This is a healthy level of assurance in ourselves and our achievements which comes from, or leads to, an optimistic outlook. I know in my life that my positive attitude and some of my best qualities set up a kind of reinforcing cycle that is kept in motion by confidence. As I have gotten older and really grown in my ability to analyze myself, I have taken notice and then accepted my abilities, my character strengths, all the things I'm good at, and all my good parts. I am really at peace with myself. It comes from seeing the world positively, but it also helps me to continue and sustain that attitude. And then, like a cycle, each thing reinforces the other. The more I maintain my optimism, the more confidence I have, and that allows me to discover new qualities about myself or strengthen old ones, which makes me even more positive which increases my confidence, ad infinitum.
Happiness, for me, stems from a positive attitude. Being positive is about how I choose to see the world, and the choice is very important. Often times, I feel like I can choose to be happy as well. Other times, I'm not able to choose how I feel, but even in negative emotions there can be a positive outlook. I can remember that there is good in expressing sadness or anger at times and also remind myself that there is always another sunrise coming.
One other important thing is a form of surrender that exists within the positive attitude. This is willful, so it is not the same as indifference. The idea here is to surrender myself to that which I cannot control. There is no point in stressing over those things, so why not be happy and enjoy the ride? If I can give up worrying about the matters in which I have no choice and devote all my time and energy toward the choices I can make, then I have maximized my ability to control my own happiness. That is a major step in having a positive attitude and gives me a sound reason for self-confidence.
Confidence doesn't really carry one connotation or another, it has a neutral definition. In reality, however, any negative idea about confidence changes its definition. Overconfidence is governed by hubris and arrogance. Hubris implies a deluded and inflated self-pride. This leads to arrogance, which occurs when we are too certain of our pending achievements. It is extreme faith in some outcome without any sound reasons on which to base that extreme faith. While it seems, at first glance, that overconfidence is simply being ultra-sure of ourselves and our desired outcomes, we actually have no idea what is going on because we have obscured our senses in this regard.
In the moment, hubris and arrogance would make us believe very strongly but later, looking back, we would realize we knew nothing at all. Indifference is the inverse of overconfidence. This occurs when we have an exaggerated lack of faith in ourselves because we don't care about achieving any outcome, whether that refers to an event or a quality of personal character. Confidence can't work with a negative attitude. It doesn't matter whether people believe in themselves and wish to succeed in life or not. If they do, and yet they look at the rest of the world pessimistically, they're going to end up with a certain level of overconfidence. If people have an entirely cynical outlook all the way around, then indifference is inevitable.
True confidence, or at least my definition, is definitely synonymous with a positive attitude. This is a healthy level of assurance in ourselves and our achievements which comes from, or leads to, an optimistic outlook. I know in my life that my positive attitude and some of my best qualities set up a kind of reinforcing cycle that is kept in motion by confidence. As I have gotten older and really grown in my ability to analyze myself, I have taken notice and then accepted my abilities, my character strengths, all the things I'm good at, and all my good parts. I am really at peace with myself. It comes from seeing the world positively, but it also helps me to continue and sustain that attitude. And then, like a cycle, each thing reinforces the other. The more I maintain my optimism, the more confidence I have, and that allows me to discover new qualities about myself or strengthen old ones, which makes me even more positive which increases my confidence, ad infinitum.
Happiness, for me, stems from a positive attitude. Being positive is about how I choose to see the world, and the choice is very important. Often times, I feel like I can choose to be happy as well. Other times, I'm not able to choose how I feel, but even in negative emotions there can be a positive outlook. I can remember that there is good in expressing sadness or anger at times and also remind myself that there is always another sunrise coming.
One other important thing is a form of surrender that exists within the positive attitude. This is willful, so it is not the same as indifference. The idea here is to surrender myself to that which I cannot control. There is no point in stressing over those things, so why not be happy and enjoy the ride? If I can give up worrying about the matters in which I have no choice and devote all my time and energy toward the choices I can make, then I have maximized my ability to control my own happiness. That is a major step in having a positive attitude and gives me a sound reason for self-confidence.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Vigorous Pursuit
Today is the anniversary of my lung reinflation procedure. In almost every respect, that procedure put me in a completely different place today as compared to a little over a year ago. It's probably typical that I believe most of the changes are positive ones. However, I'm still left with some negative feelings and certainly some emotional hangups.
I feel vulnerable, and I can't get around it. Obviously, I've always been vulnerable, but the collapse really made it tangible for me. Whether or not my vulnerability was tangible to others is really beside the point. It's not exaggerating to say that until I underwent the procedure, I truly was not aware of my vulnerability. I already knew how precious life was and I had a very healthy, and unusual for this society, view of death. But I finally got an in-your-face example of how fragile the human body really is. It is an emotional realization. Not only are there untold forces outside of my control, but those forces can hurt me and the ones I love. A pessimist could have a field day with that statement. However, I actually took a lot of good from it. I feel more alive now that I've had that realization.
I have always believed in enjoying life and being happy. What changed in me is that I have accepted wanting to feel good. I embrace my desire. That thing about suffering being caused by desire can be confusing. I realize now that it is not a teaching that shows me how to remove suffering from my life. Rather, it is a statement about the human condition. For all the pain and fragility we endure in our bodies, simply being alive also affords us so much pleasure. I choose, now, to indulge in it happily and without remorse. More of us should do that, I think.
My choice to accept the desire to feel good has made me even more optimistic and given me a ton of self-confidence. Granted, none of this happened overnight and my ideas here have been tested many times. It did take the whole year. Since the year has passed, I have grown in my self-acceptance and I don't find too many situations in which I feel uncomfortable.
When it comes down to it, the emotional vulnerability caused by the collapse can only be cured by me. For better or worse, the memories of the procedure itself will always be with me. The fear of it happening again will only go away with time. The emotions are also connected to me physically by all the parts of my body involved in fixing the lung collapse. My skin, my chest, my muscle tissue there, and that part of my lung, those things also physically feel vulnerable. It is difficult to describe and primarily psychological, but it is there. Every once in a while, little pains come back, just like memory flashes of the procedure.
Some of my emotional vulnerability cannot, or better yet should not, be cured. When time begins to move us away from a major event in our lives, whether it is a trauma or some special occasion, it is inevitable that we revert to an everyday routine style of living. In that regard, I almost feel like I am more alive during my crises than most other times. My emotions were very close to the surface around the time of the collapse. Now, it makes me glad to experience strong emotion. For instance, I actually feel good after some song or film moves me to tears. I certainly don't want to cure that. My emotions are my connection to the times in my life in which I feel most alive.
I have grown in my fondness for the people I love. Appreciating them is something I have always done, but I feel like I am now more consciously aware of the delight I take in my relationships with them. I know what it is to enjoy their enjoyment, to feel achievement in their achievements, and to be happy because of their happiness. In most of the aspects of my life, quantity is something I hardly experience. It's all about quality. I don't have an enormity of close friends I would call brother, or sister, or lover. I don't get to see them terribly often. So, I make up for it by maximizing every moment we spend together which allows those relationships to be enriched in a truly special way. I see my family more often, but I put the same spiritual energy into the maximizing and the enriching.
One thing that has not changed over this year is my love of writing. It has increased, increased, increased exponentially. I think the crux of this thought and all of the thoughts I have had about my anniversary is that I feel affirmed. My way of life, my beliefs, my current place, my direction, my character, all of these things have been affirmed in me. After much thought this year, I have discovered that writing is my vocation. It was simply something I was good at until 2004. That year it became an interest and an intense hobby. In 2005, I changed it to my major in college and in the fall of that year my fate was sealed when I took Intro to Creative Writing. Writing had become my occupation by the fall of 2006. And now, I can feel deep down that I am called to write.
I wrote before that a pessimist could have a field day with the idea that we can be hurt by so many uncontrollable forces, and that includes other human beings. I can understand why that looks negative at face value. Digging deeper, however, look at all the good. It is completely useless for me to worry about those things I cannot control. Imagine how liberating it is, then, to accept that there are all those forces out there and stop stressing about them. Imagine all the time and energy saved that can now be used for better things. The preciousness of life, the realization that, in a split second, everything could end or change makes it so easy to live in the moment. I'm all for giving up on guilt and instead focusing on how special it is to get to see this universe. The wonder it offers us is amazing and it should be enjoyed with exuberance.
The best thing we can do is to acknowledge it all because all of it is necessary. Know that bad things threaten us, realize our precarious position, and appreciate the good that makes it worth while. I really mean it when I write: it's all good. We need one thing to understand the other. Be glad that this world is so fragile, for it gives us the passion to delight in its pleasure.
Life is the vigorous pursuit.
I feel vulnerable, and I can't get around it. Obviously, I've always been vulnerable, but the collapse really made it tangible for me. Whether or not my vulnerability was tangible to others is really beside the point. It's not exaggerating to say that until I underwent the procedure, I truly was not aware of my vulnerability. I already knew how precious life was and I had a very healthy, and unusual for this society, view of death. But I finally got an in-your-face example of how fragile the human body really is. It is an emotional realization. Not only are there untold forces outside of my control, but those forces can hurt me and the ones I love. A pessimist could have a field day with that statement. However, I actually took a lot of good from it. I feel more alive now that I've had that realization.
I have always believed in enjoying life and being happy. What changed in me is that I have accepted wanting to feel good. I embrace my desire. That thing about suffering being caused by desire can be confusing. I realize now that it is not a teaching that shows me how to remove suffering from my life. Rather, it is a statement about the human condition. For all the pain and fragility we endure in our bodies, simply being alive also affords us so much pleasure. I choose, now, to indulge in it happily and without remorse. More of us should do that, I think.
My choice to accept the desire to feel good has made me even more optimistic and given me a ton of self-confidence. Granted, none of this happened overnight and my ideas here have been tested many times. It did take the whole year. Since the year has passed, I have grown in my self-acceptance and I don't find too many situations in which I feel uncomfortable.
When it comes down to it, the emotional vulnerability caused by the collapse can only be cured by me. For better or worse, the memories of the procedure itself will always be with me. The fear of it happening again will only go away with time. The emotions are also connected to me physically by all the parts of my body involved in fixing the lung collapse. My skin, my chest, my muscle tissue there, and that part of my lung, those things also physically feel vulnerable. It is difficult to describe and primarily psychological, but it is there. Every once in a while, little pains come back, just like memory flashes of the procedure.
Some of my emotional vulnerability cannot, or better yet should not, be cured. When time begins to move us away from a major event in our lives, whether it is a trauma or some special occasion, it is inevitable that we revert to an everyday routine style of living. In that regard, I almost feel like I am more alive during my crises than most other times. My emotions were very close to the surface around the time of the collapse. Now, it makes me glad to experience strong emotion. For instance, I actually feel good after some song or film moves me to tears. I certainly don't want to cure that. My emotions are my connection to the times in my life in which I feel most alive.
I have grown in my fondness for the people I love. Appreciating them is something I have always done, but I feel like I am now more consciously aware of the delight I take in my relationships with them. I know what it is to enjoy their enjoyment, to feel achievement in their achievements, and to be happy because of their happiness. In most of the aspects of my life, quantity is something I hardly experience. It's all about quality. I don't have an enormity of close friends I would call brother, or sister, or lover. I don't get to see them terribly often. So, I make up for it by maximizing every moment we spend together which allows those relationships to be enriched in a truly special way. I see my family more often, but I put the same spiritual energy into the maximizing and the enriching.
One thing that has not changed over this year is my love of writing. It has increased, increased, increased exponentially. I think the crux of this thought and all of the thoughts I have had about my anniversary is that I feel affirmed. My way of life, my beliefs, my current place, my direction, my character, all of these things have been affirmed in me. After much thought this year, I have discovered that writing is my vocation. It was simply something I was good at until 2004. That year it became an interest and an intense hobby. In 2005, I changed it to my major in college and in the fall of that year my fate was sealed when I took Intro to Creative Writing. Writing had become my occupation by the fall of 2006. And now, I can feel deep down that I am called to write.
I wrote before that a pessimist could have a field day with the idea that we can be hurt by so many uncontrollable forces, and that includes other human beings. I can understand why that looks negative at face value. Digging deeper, however, look at all the good. It is completely useless for me to worry about those things I cannot control. Imagine how liberating it is, then, to accept that there are all those forces out there and stop stressing about them. Imagine all the time and energy saved that can now be used for better things. The preciousness of life, the realization that, in a split second, everything could end or change makes it so easy to live in the moment. I'm all for giving up on guilt and instead focusing on how special it is to get to see this universe. The wonder it offers us is amazing and it should be enjoyed with exuberance.
The best thing we can do is to acknowledge it all because all of it is necessary. Know that bad things threaten us, realize our precarious position, and appreciate the good that makes it worth while. I really mean it when I write: it's all good. We need one thing to understand the other. Be glad that this world is so fragile, for it gives us the passion to delight in its pleasure.
Life is the vigorous pursuit.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Let's get together and feel all right
I write often about pain & suffering, brokenness, and dealing with adversity. They are major facts of life that fit into this amazing universe of ours. They provide a lot of artistic inspiration and that's obvious if you consider how popular drama has been for centuries. However, there's something to be said for feeling good.
Physical and emotional happiness and pleasure are nice. They feel good. In particular, they make enduring through adverse situations worth it. Happiness and pleasure actually would not feel as good without those adverse situations. Philosophically speaking, neither side can exist without the other. Knowing that fact helps me to get through my suffering and it allows me to appreciate those moments, experiences, and people that give me pleasure and make me happy.
There are many things that make me feel the happiest, that give me the most pleasure. Certain foods -- like DoubleDouble's, Tommy chili burgers, and Pie & Burger burgers, or chocolate milkshakes from Carrows -- are like a slice of heaven. I also appreciate the experience of a cold Sam Adams, a tasty hors d'oeuvres, and a Trojan victory in sports.
Because of my interests in art and philosophy, I'm really into aesthetics. Beyond a simple male biological level, I truly appreciate the feminine form, and I enjoy seeing it in a beautiful woman or in a piece of abstract art that possesses those qualities: symmetry, proportion, smooth transitions, and an emphasis on the curve over the angle.
What I enjoy the most is spending time with the people I love. Family is very important in my life and, for sure, I truly treasure my nieces and nephews, who are all under the age of 5. It is a real treat to see the excitement in their eyes and listen to them talk and hear their ideas. It is amazing to see a zeal that is completely innocent (well, almost completely). I love every chance I get to talk with them, and watch movies, and play. Watching children grow and learn as each minute passes makes me very happy.
I'm also lucky enough to have several friends that I love as well. My close friends from high school and college are now my brothers. It's hardly ever stated, but the chance to get together and reminisce is one we always enjoy. Another pleasure I get is from other special friends and the opportunity to spend time alone with them.
Those are just a few of the things that give me pleasure. As nice as each individual one may be, the best is combining them, so that I can watch sports with my family, or spend time with a beautiful woman, or share food & drink with my closest friends. All of these are experiences that make me feel good.
I believe that they show the role happiness plays in spirituality. My focus is usually on being the bigger person and doing the right thing instead of doing the thing that is good for me. I agree with that, of course. However, it's also important never to forget that it's both right and good for me to be happy. My soul needs me to feel good. It's sort of like a spiritual vacation, and those are never bad. I've always thought that a pleasurable experience gives my spirit a chance to recharge before the next crisis.
I hope that everyone gets a chance during the holiday season to sit back and enjoy the pleasure of it, allow themselves to be happy, even for a moment. Even better, let's get together and feel all right. Vacation is there for a reason. Let us be with our loved ones and recharge for the coming year. May you all feel good now and throughout this next year.
From my tradition to yours... Merry Christmas!
Physical and emotional happiness and pleasure are nice. They feel good. In particular, they make enduring through adverse situations worth it. Happiness and pleasure actually would not feel as good without those adverse situations. Philosophically speaking, neither side can exist without the other. Knowing that fact helps me to get through my suffering and it allows me to appreciate those moments, experiences, and people that give me pleasure and make me happy.
There are many things that make me feel the happiest, that give me the most pleasure. Certain foods -- like DoubleDouble's, Tommy chili burgers, and Pie & Burger burgers, or chocolate milkshakes from Carrows -- are like a slice of heaven. I also appreciate the experience of a cold Sam Adams, a tasty hors d'oeuvres, and a Trojan victory in sports.
Because of my interests in art and philosophy, I'm really into aesthetics. Beyond a simple male biological level, I truly appreciate the feminine form, and I enjoy seeing it in a beautiful woman or in a piece of abstract art that possesses those qualities: symmetry, proportion, smooth transitions, and an emphasis on the curve over the angle.
What I enjoy the most is spending time with the people I love. Family is very important in my life and, for sure, I truly treasure my nieces and nephews, who are all under the age of 5. It is a real treat to see the excitement in their eyes and listen to them talk and hear their ideas. It is amazing to see a zeal that is completely innocent (well, almost completely). I love every chance I get to talk with them, and watch movies, and play. Watching children grow and learn as each minute passes makes me very happy.
I'm also lucky enough to have several friends that I love as well. My close friends from high school and college are now my brothers. It's hardly ever stated, but the chance to get together and reminisce is one we always enjoy. Another pleasure I get is from other special friends and the opportunity to spend time alone with them.
Those are just a few of the things that give me pleasure. As nice as each individual one may be, the best is combining them, so that I can watch sports with my family, or spend time with a beautiful woman, or share food & drink with my closest friends. All of these are experiences that make me feel good.
I believe that they show the role happiness plays in spirituality. My focus is usually on being the bigger person and doing the right thing instead of doing the thing that is good for me. I agree with that, of course. However, it's also important never to forget that it's both right and good for me to be happy. My soul needs me to feel good. It's sort of like a spiritual vacation, and those are never bad. I've always thought that a pleasurable experience gives my spirit a chance to recharge before the next crisis.
I hope that everyone gets a chance during the holiday season to sit back and enjoy the pleasure of it, allow themselves to be happy, even for a moment. Even better, let's get together and feel all right. Vacation is there for a reason. Let us be with our loved ones and recharge for the coming year. May you all feel good now and throughout this next year.
From my tradition to yours... Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 7, 2007
The Greatest Gift
"The capacity to give one's attention to a sufferer is a very rare and difficult thing; it is almost a miracle, it is a miracle." -- Simone WeilThe greatest gift is a miracle. It's an expression of some part of yourself that you give to someone else. The thing you give to that person is very nearly beside the point. It's just the means by which the transfer of you to the other person takes place. By you, I mean your essence, a piece of your spirit.
In reality, the materials we give to each other can get in the way. As much as we like our stuff, and we do, believe me, I have stuff and I like stuff, using stuff as a gift only works when it complements our purpose, rather than deflecting it. What does genuine gift-giving try to accomplish? Well, I want the person on the receiving end of my gift to know how I feel about them. In some way, large or small, I want to grow together with that person.
I want to create an understanding. I want to strengthen our connection.
Sometimes, however, a material gift does get in our way, deflecting us from our purpose. Because of that, I feel that no material gift, regardless of how pure or thoughtful or amazing it is, can be considered the greatest. The greatest gift cuts out the middleman. Rather than a simple expression, the greatest thing you can give is yourself.
Giving yourself means giving your attention to someone. In the context of the greatest gift, attention means something beyond its common meaning. It usually is social contact, chitchatting, and simple interaction. This kind of attention can be given easily and can easily be insincere. Giving your true attention to someone is much more complex than that. It is important to really devote yourself to that person in your experience of them. It is not easy. It takes spiritual energy to be attentive to the spiritual needs of someone else.
Listen.
Be with the other person. That's what it's really all about. The greatest gift between two people is a coming together.
The greatest gift in appearance would be quite commonplace: a dad playing football with his son, a teacher tutoring her student after hours, a priest counseling one of the troubled faithful, a doctor & nurse treating a patient, best friends reminiscing, two lovers in bed. These are all basic examples with matter-of-fact explanations. They don't have to be instances of the greatest gift. Parenting, teaching, ministry, medicine, friendship, and sex can just be what they are. Then again, that's only looking at the appearance, and the greatest gift is all about essence. The identity of a thing is derived from its essence.
Care (again, remember the truer definition of the term) is crucial in determining when a miracle of interpersonal exchange is happening. That decides the intentions of the gift-giver. Anything can be done physically, denying the spiritual element in whole or in part. The greatest gift is given with full integrity because only the two people involved can decide to believe that it is sincere, and only the giver can know for sure if it is.
We are all sufferers. That is part of being human. When you give yourself, when you give genuine, true attention to someone who is suffering, that is a miracle. Devotion, listening, and truly being with someone... those things create a spiritual connection. And that allows the father to show his love to his son feeling too much stress. This kind of giving lets the teacher spend some quality time with her student who might feel lost. It gives the priest a chance to really guide someone in crisis. Devoted medical professionals finally get to care for the person as a whole. Best friends can really listen to each other and see where they are in their lives. And, being together allows two lovers to find acceptance in a physical act of love.
These are the greatest gifts. These are miracles.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Team-Building: the Spartan Phalanx in 300
"Young men, fight shield to shield and never succumb to panic or miserable flight, but steel the heart in your chests with magnificence and courage."The Greek phalanx was first developed in the 8th century B.C. and lasted as the primary mode of battle for 4 centuries until the Roman legion began to take shape. The phalanx was defeated, once and for all, at the Battle of Pydna in 160 B.C.
-- Tyrtaeus, The War Songs of Tyrtaeus
The disposition of the forces was such that the effectiveness of the
phalanx depended on the execution: how well the soldiers could maintain the formation in combat, and how well they could stand their ground in the heat of battle. The opponent was not the main enemy of the phalanx. Fear was the enemy. The conventional wisdom of the time was that the side that was more disciplined and more courageous would win. The Greek word dynamis, which means "will to fight", expressed the desire that kept the soldiers in formation. In many cases, one side would flee before they could be engaged by the side with the greater will.
The formation was organized with soldiers lined up very closely to one another in ranks with their shields locked together. An individual soldier carried his shield, called an aspis, on his left arm, protecting not himself but the soldier to his left. He used his right arm to attack with his spear, called a doru, or sword, called a xiphos. Spearmen projected their spears over the outermost rank of shields. Essentially, the phalanx was a massive spear-and-shield wall. The deciding factor was determined by which side could knock the other off balance, tactically speaking. Battles were won when one army's vulnerable right side (carrying spears) overpowered the opposing army's protected left side (carrying shields).
In Sparta, the shield was symbolic. It represented the subordination of the individual soldier to his unit as well as the integral part he played in its success. This was his solemn responsibility to his brothers in arms. During the mid 5th century B.C., the Spartans replaced family-based shield designs with the letter lambda, which stood for Laconia, or Lacedaemon. The lambda is used anachronistically in the film, 300. The film is mostly an artistic exaggeration of the events surrounding and including the Battle of Thermopylae, which occurred in 480 B.C.
Possibly the greatest recorded last stand in history, the battle featured 300 Spartans, backed by around 7,000 other Greek allies, against the massive imperial army of Xerxes, King of Persia, which consisted of at least 100,000 troops. The film version of this battle is excellent when viewed as a portrayal of the spirit and emotion surrounding it, rather than a factual record, which it is not. However, the hyperbole works in almost every case. Xerxes was not an androgynous seven-footer but he was insane. According to Greek historian Herodotus, after an unsuccessful attempt to cross the Hellespont strait, Xerxes had the water itself whipped 300 times.
More to the point, the decision by the filmmakers to include in the main battle only the 300 Spartans was very wise. The essential emphasis on the point that these men had only each other to rely on makes this film a great one for team-building. We have scene after scene of our red tunic clad, sacred shield wielding heroes facing off against what appears to be a billion of the nastiest, ugliest enemy soldiers one can imagine.
None of this would have been possible without the phalanx. The characters in the film break the formation technically, which is unrealistic but required for the excitement factor. However, what is more important is that they never break the duties and principles they hold so dear. Everything that is involved in maximizing the effectiveness of the Spartan phalanx also makes for the best kind of team.
Ultimately, the 300 were defeated. But they never vacated the solemn responsibility they had for one another and they never abandoned the courage, the discipline, and the dynamis required to fight. Protect the team, win or lose... that's exactly what they did. Despite the loss at Thermopylae, the Athenian victory at Marathon in 490 B.C. is an example of the success of the formation against a superior opponent. 10,000 Athenians decisively defeated 26,000 Persians.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
How I Deal with Pain
Pain sucks, and there's no way around it. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have a very high pain tolerance level. On one hand, that means that it takes a lot of suffering to knock me down. On the other, that means that it takes a lot of suffering to knock me down. The good news about having high pain tolerance is that I have developed several ways to cope. Most of them are pretty standard and logical, but it's always cool for me to think about the mentality that goes into dealing with pain.
Pain is divided into two classes for me. The first class is just your garden-variety pain. It's the kind of stuff everybody deals with on a daily basis. I'm actually a pretty big wuss when it comes to this class. In this instance, I'll usually be vocal about anything. I call it, "expressing my pain." I figure that because I have to use up so much energy for the real pain, I'm entitled to be a sissy over the sissy stuff. The second class is big-time, emotion draining pain. This is the stuff that requires my game face. Besides medication, the best, most effective method for fighting pain is meditative breathing.
A lot of the stuff I face happens in a medical setting. Controlled breathing is good for everyone involved. If you aren't used to managing such a situation, it's easy to panic, which makes things really hard on the medical professionals. If you panic, they have to stop what they're doing and that prolongs the entire process. Falling into a good rhythm of breathing goes a long way toward ensuring that I will stay calm. Then, it's difficult to explain, but I try to exist purely and completely within the moment of each breath. I direct all my energy toward each inhalation and exhalation. I think of myself in no other context but that present moment. Literally by living from moment to moment, I can break up the experience of pain into smaller, more manageable bits. It's quite a meditative process which is why I call it meditative breathing.
Certain kinds of music are very helpful. It has to have an especially rhythmic quality to it. Obviously, there are certain genres that are more conducive to rhythmic music, but the genre doesn't matter in reality if the song I'm listening to has the type of richness and repetition I need. Using music for pain management comes from the same place, essentially, as the meditative breathing. Listening to the right music requires less energy, however, so it's very useful when I'm tired. I can be a little more passive and, in some ways, a little more relaxed. This allows me to just "be" in the moment and focus on the experience of each tiny movement of music.
Humor is extremely valuable, especially in a more social setting, although still a medical one. If I'm laughing or joking about whatever it is I'm going through, it gets minimized mentally for me and becomes easier to manage. I usually can compartmentalize the pain and allow myself to be distracted by jokes. Those who know my sense of humor can also use it to gauge how I'm feeling. Sometimes, I can feel the anxiety of the other people around me, the medical people not working on me and my loved ones, and that makes it worse. Humor allows me to be engaged with them about something else and that relieves a little of the tension, usually enough for what I need.
The last thing about coping with pain is realizing that these personal methods are not enough to deal with everything. The physical portion of this fact means acknowledging that a painkiller regimen is necessary. Finding the right balance on that front took me a year and a half, but once I had it down, that part of it became very easy. Emotionally, I've accepted that I need to depend on those I love to help get me through the rest.
Pain is divided into two classes for me. The first class is just your garden-variety pain. It's the kind of stuff everybody deals with on a daily basis. I'm actually a pretty big wuss when it comes to this class. In this instance, I'll usually be vocal about anything. I call it, "expressing my pain." I figure that because I have to use up so much energy for the real pain, I'm entitled to be a sissy over the sissy stuff. The second class is big-time, emotion draining pain. This is the stuff that requires my game face. Besides medication, the best, most effective method for fighting pain is meditative breathing.
A lot of the stuff I face happens in a medical setting. Controlled breathing is good for everyone involved. If you aren't used to managing such a situation, it's easy to panic, which makes things really hard on the medical professionals. If you panic, they have to stop what they're doing and that prolongs the entire process. Falling into a good rhythm of breathing goes a long way toward ensuring that I will stay calm. Then, it's difficult to explain, but I try to exist purely and completely within the moment of each breath. I direct all my energy toward each inhalation and exhalation. I think of myself in no other context but that present moment. Literally by living from moment to moment, I can break up the experience of pain into smaller, more manageable bits. It's quite a meditative process which is why I call it meditative breathing.
Certain kinds of music are very helpful. It has to have an especially rhythmic quality to it. Obviously, there are certain genres that are more conducive to rhythmic music, but the genre doesn't matter in reality if the song I'm listening to has the type of richness and repetition I need. Using music for pain management comes from the same place, essentially, as the meditative breathing. Listening to the right music requires less energy, however, so it's very useful when I'm tired. I can be a little more passive and, in some ways, a little more relaxed. This allows me to just "be" in the moment and focus on the experience of each tiny movement of music.
Humor is extremely valuable, especially in a more social setting, although still a medical one. If I'm laughing or joking about whatever it is I'm going through, it gets minimized mentally for me and becomes easier to manage. I usually can compartmentalize the pain and allow myself to be distracted by jokes. Those who know my sense of humor can also use it to gauge how I'm feeling. Sometimes, I can feel the anxiety of the other people around me, the medical people not working on me and my loved ones, and that makes it worse. Humor allows me to be engaged with them about something else and that relieves a little of the tension, usually enough for what I need.
The last thing about coping with pain is realizing that these personal methods are not enough to deal with everything. The physical portion of this fact means acknowledging that a painkiller regimen is necessary. Finding the right balance on that front took me a year and a half, but once I had it down, that part of it became very easy. Emotionally, I've accepted that I need to depend on those I love to help get me through the rest.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Stream -- It Finally Feels like Fall...
Note: This is a stream of consciousness piece written in one session and printed with minimal revisions.It finally feels like Fall when the sun, lower in the sky, shines in my eyes. The sun's rays are on my window throughout the day. At this time of year, I get the best of both worlds from that light.
It is bright in my eyes around midday. It narrows my vision. It has a tunneling effect on my focus. Everything around the light, on the periphery, darkens and blurs. All that is left is me and the light, the light and I. As I learn how to confront it properly, the other little things are a little more visible. I can see the shapes of the leaves and branches through which the light shines. This is an intense feeling which is also sparse. By that, I mean that everything is centered around the one entity of light, even when I try to see other things.
Now, the sun prepares to set. The intensity I felt before is gone, replaced by a softer light. The light is in such a place that it no longer shines through the leaves and branches. Instead, it shines on them and reflects off of them. It affects my vision, once again, but in a different way. Not only is the light softer, it is also warmer, in color and feel. I feel more contemplative in this light. I see more colors and think about more things.
The absence of light provides another perspective. The sun goes down faster in Fall. When it does, I have time to consider it as a whole. Light is active and moving, dynamic and present, during the day. It has a body, in a way, and that is really what I interact with each moment I see it. At night, I'm interacting with an idea, the soul of the light. Light loses its appearance but never its essence. This allows me to consider the whole.
On the next day, the process begins again. I feel as if the Fall gives me a continual set of chances to realize my current place. This is the time to take stock and acknowledge the need to renew certain things, and change others. Then I'm able to look back on the previous year with nostalgia as well as prepare for the coming one.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Fit In, Standout!
Everybody is somebody. Nobody is nobody.I was listening to a greatest hits album of Taj Mahal's and this line from his song, called "Everybody Is Somebody," got me thinking. This statement is true whether a person makes use of what it means or not. Being somebody is based on potential. We all have this ability inside even though many people choose, or are encouraged, not to achieve Somebody status. It's all about individuality.
-- Taj Mahal
Psychologically, we tend towards classifying things. Because of the way we fit into nature, physically, it is advantageous to do so. We need to be able to quickly and instinctually identify everything we encounter. Where is danger... where is safety... what hurts... what feels good... who can I trust... who is a threat... how does this work? We do this by classifying. In this way, no, each special snowflake is not unique. Making those snap decisions is integral for survival, but it's not too hot when it comes to interpersonal relationships, on whatever scale they occur.
People are much more complex than the systems that make up their bodies. There are often huge differences between two seemingly similar individuals, and there are always slight variations. Even small genetic or environmental factors can drastically affect a person's development. And every person has had all manner of experiences that could show the reasons behind their choices. The interesting thing is that the ways in which everybody is similar help to explain why appreciating their individuality is so important. The key way is that each person possesses free will. Excluding obvious exceptions, everyone chooses freely what they believe and what they do. Yes, there are genetic traits and environmental stresses and encouragement or discouragement from other people. In the end, however, those are merely explanations for why a choice is made. They are not determinants.
It's easier to go with the natural tendency, simplify things, and classify individuals into groups. Indeed, it's so easy that a vast number of people live their lives doing just that. I just did it, myself! The problem is that it leads to a group mentality, both inwardly and outwardly. Ironically, if we stop appreciating our differences on a personal level and de-emphasize the individual, we end up promoting groupthink within and group judgment without. The focus, socially, then becomes our communal differences which tend to be more divisive and inflammatory.
Another bit of irony, here, comes when our society takes individuality to its unhealthy extreme: exalting celebrity. When I write of this, I don't mean the typical People Magazine "What's My Favorite Actor Up To?" articles that women love (there's some more classifying for you). Exalting celebrity means first poring over the minutia of the life of a famous person. It's the worst kind of vicarious living. Then, it means placing an undeserved importance on the words and deeds of all famous people. There is a clear distinction to be made between appreciating the qualities of an individual and placing them on a pedestal. Exalting celebrity is as bad, or worse, than a group mentality because it says essentially that nobody is somebody except for a select, illogical few.
There is clearly a happy medium between groupthink and undue individual glorification. I know I have to catch myself occasionally and remember that the people I see and hear are their own people, when it comes down to it. There are several portions of society today that could also stand to do that, inwardly and outwardly. I also realize that emphasizing individuality has its own drawbacks. It's always important to check that ego upstairs. I don't think I have all the answers, but I do believe that it's a good start to stop viewing identity based on how a person looks or where their ancestors lived. Each individual I know has a lot more in common with me than either of us does with our ancestors. Of course, many people already know this, but you know what they say about assumptions.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Song Series: "Prayer for the Dying" by Seal
This is one of my favorite songs by Seal and simply just one of my favorite songs. It is right down my alley as far as the theme and spirit the song conveys. You could argue that the reason I like it so much is because it is so similar to my worldview, however I like to think that this is one of those songs in particular that have informed on my worldview. Seal, himself, has called "Prayer for the Dying" a celebration of life more than a mourning of death. The song can be found on Seal's self-titled 1994 album. I first heard it in 1996 and I still love it to this day.
This song is quite philosophical. In the first few lines, it immediately identifies the problem it is confronting and, almost as quickly, provides the solution to that problem. First is the issue of the problem of life. "Fearless people/Careless needle/Harsh words spoken/And lives are broken." Working backwards, it is clear that coping with brokenness (sound familiar?) is certainly a struggle. Seal attributes that to a breakdown in personal relationships. He often uses the imagery of a needle & drugs as a symbol for the high we get from love. The seemingly odd inclusion of "fearless" leads me to believe that there is a suggestion that misplaced emotion leads to the breakdown in personal relationships which makes coping with brokenness such a struggle.
Then, Seal arrives at a solution. The most important theme in this song is faith. "Forceful aging/Help me I'm fading/Heaven's waiting/It's time to move on." The first half of this quote says, essentially, that there is no time to lose. The problem can be fixed, and every person can fix it, but they need to start immediately. Next is one of the deeper, multiple-meaning points in the song. First, the listener is reassured in the expected way: move on, don't be afraid, Heaven will be there. There's more to it, however, as you consider that because heaven is waiting, that means it is not here now. That solution is up to us. Life is not waiting, and therefore it's time to move on, literally move, now. The motivation is obvious as is the need for faith in yourself, the last piece is faith in others.
"I may not know what you're going through/But time is the space between me and you." Despite the undercurrent of urgency present, this is another reassuring line. This line is the solution to having faith in others. Essentially, the only external thing that really separates two people is ignorance, and ignorance is removed quite simply by taking the time to remove it. Everything else involved in having faith in other people is literally within the control of the individual.
"I just don't know what's got into me." This is the second most important quote of the song, and the key is in the word, "know." Seal does not, and cannot, know what's got into him but he believes something has. He feels it. This is spirit, that thing which moves him toward faith. And just in case the idea of faith hasn't yet dawned on the listener, he hits you several times with this line: "Hold on, say yes, while people say no."
Now, the most important line: "Life carries on... when nothing else matters, when nothing else matters." To me personally, this quote is extraordinary and would probably require my whole life story and philosophy written down and analyzed for me to convey the extent of the quote's meaning. However, a very superficial interpretation is that when you have everything, life carries on, and yet when you have nothing, life still carries on. So, life is moved by nothing but itself. When everything falls away, if you're lost or suffering, you are still left with your life, and it carries on. Faith says that this should be a comfort. Finally, Seal ends the song with one last thought. "It's just a prayer for the dying... for the dying." This takes us back to the solution of the problem stated at the beginning. The dying refers to us all as, after all, life carries on until it's over. And that's a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, the demands of radio edits and music videos means that the most important line of the song is not included, but here is the video nonetheless:
This song is quite philosophical. In the first few lines, it immediately identifies the problem it is confronting and, almost as quickly, provides the solution to that problem. First is the issue of the problem of life. "Fearless people/Careless needle/Harsh words spoken/And lives are broken." Working backwards, it is clear that coping with brokenness (sound familiar?) is certainly a struggle. Seal attributes that to a breakdown in personal relationships. He often uses the imagery of a needle & drugs as a symbol for the high we get from love. The seemingly odd inclusion of "fearless" leads me to believe that there is a suggestion that misplaced emotion leads to the breakdown in personal relationships which makes coping with brokenness such a struggle.
Then, Seal arrives at a solution. The most important theme in this song is faith. "Forceful aging/Help me I'm fading/Heaven's waiting/It's time to move on." The first half of this quote says, essentially, that there is no time to lose. The problem can be fixed, and every person can fix it, but they need to start immediately. Next is one of the deeper, multiple-meaning points in the song. First, the listener is reassured in the expected way: move on, don't be afraid, Heaven will be there. There's more to it, however, as you consider that because heaven is waiting, that means it is not here now. That solution is up to us. Life is not waiting, and therefore it's time to move on, literally move, now. The motivation is obvious as is the need for faith in yourself, the last piece is faith in others.
"I may not know what you're going through/But time is the space between me and you." Despite the undercurrent of urgency present, this is another reassuring line. This line is the solution to having faith in others. Essentially, the only external thing that really separates two people is ignorance, and ignorance is removed quite simply by taking the time to remove it. Everything else involved in having faith in other people is literally within the control of the individual.
"I just don't know what's got into me." This is the second most important quote of the song, and the key is in the word, "know." Seal does not, and cannot, know what's got into him but he believes something has. He feels it. This is spirit, that thing which moves him toward faith. And just in case the idea of faith hasn't yet dawned on the listener, he hits you several times with this line: "Hold on, say yes, while people say no."
Now, the most important line: "Life carries on... when nothing else matters, when nothing else matters." To me personally, this quote is extraordinary and would probably require my whole life story and philosophy written down and analyzed for me to convey the extent of the quote's meaning. However, a very superficial interpretation is that when you have everything, life carries on, and yet when you have nothing, life still carries on. So, life is moved by nothing but itself. When everything falls away, if you're lost or suffering, you are still left with your life, and it carries on. Faith says that this should be a comfort. Finally, Seal ends the song with one last thought. "It's just a prayer for the dying... for the dying." This takes us back to the solution of the problem stated at the beginning. The dying refers to us all as, after all, life carries on until it's over. And that's a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, the demands of radio edits and music videos means that the most important line of the song is not included, but here is the video nonetheless:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)