Confidence and a positive attitude

I was asked recently if I thought that the terms "confidence" and "positive attitude" were synonymous. My answer to that is, yes, but that the definition of confidence needs to be clear. In general, confidence implies a belief in a measure of certainty with regard to a particular outcome. Confidence means assurance. When we have confidence in ourselves, we are sure of who we are in a certain sense.

Confidence doesn't really carry one connotation or another, it has a neutral definition. In reality, however, any negative idea about confidence changes its definition. Overconfidence is governed by hubris and arrogance. Hubris implies a deluded and inflated self-pride. This leads to arrogance, which occurs when we are too certain of our pending achievements. It is extreme faith in some outcome without any sound reasons on which to base that extreme faith. While it seems, at first glance, that overconfidence is simply being ultra-sure of ourselves and our desired outcomes, we actually have no idea what is going on because we have obscured our senses in this regard.

In the moment, hubris and arrogance would make us believe very strongly but later, looking back, we would realize we knew nothing at all. Indifference is the inverse of overconfidence. This occurs when we have an exaggerated lack of faith in ourselves because we don't care about achieving any outcome, whether that refers to an event or a quality of personal character. Confidence can't work with a negative attitude. It doesn't matter whether people believe in themselves and wish to succeed in life or not. If they do, and yet they look at the rest of the world pessimistically, they're going to end up with a certain level of overconfidence. If people have an entirely cynical outlook all the way around, then indifference is inevitable.

True confidence, or at least my definition, is definitely synonymous with a positive attitude. This is a healthy level of assurance in ourselves and our achievements which comes from, or leads to, an optimistic outlook. I know in my life that my positive attitude and some of my best qualities set up a kind of reinforcing cycle that is kept in motion by confidence. As I have gotten older and really grown in my ability to analyze myself, I have taken notice and then accepted my abilities, my character strengths, all the things I'm good at, and all my good parts. I am really at peace with myself. It comes from seeing the world positively, but it also helps me to continue and sustain that attitude. And then, like a cycle, each thing reinforces the other. The more I maintain my optimism, the more confidence I have, and that allows me to discover new qualities about myself or strengthen old ones, which makes me even more positive which increases my confidence, ad infinitum.

Happiness, for me, stems from a positive attitude. Being positive is about how I choose to see the world, and the choice is very important. Often times, I feel like I can choose to be happy as well. Other times, I'm not able to choose how I feel, but even in negative emotions there can be a positive outlook. I can remember that there is good in expressing sadness or anger at times and also remind myself that there is always another sunrise coming.

One other important thing is a form of surrender that exists within the positive attitude. This is willful, so it is not the same as indifference. The idea here is to surrender myself to that which I cannot control. There is no point in stressing over those things, so why not be happy and enjoy the ride? If I can give up worrying about the matters in which I have no choice and devote all my time and energy toward the choices I can make, then I have maximized my ability to control my own happiness. That is a major step in having a positive attitude and gives me a sound reason for self-confidence.

Fit In, Standout!

Everybody is somebody. Nobody is nobody.
-- Taj Mahal

I was listening to a greatest hits album of Taj Mahal's and this line from his song, called "Everybody Is Somebody," got me thinking. This statement is true whether a person makes use of what it means or not. Being somebody is based on potential. We all have this ability inside even though many people choose, or are encouraged, not to achieve Somebody status. It's all about individuality.

Psychologically, we tend towards classifying things. Because of the way we fit into nature, physically, it is advantageous to do so. We need to be able to quickly and instinctually identify everything we encounter. Where is danger... where is safety... what hurts... what feels good... who can I trust... who is a threat... how does this work? We do this by classifying. In this way, no, each special snowflake is not unique. Making those snap decisions is integral for survival, but it's not too hot when it comes to interpersonal relationships, on whatever scale they occur.

People are much more complex than the systems that make up their bodies. There are often huge differences between two seemingly similar individuals, and there are always slight variations. Even small genetic or environmental factors can drastically affect a person's development. And every person has had all manner of experiences that could show the reasons behind their choices. The interesting thing is that the ways in which everybody is similar help to explain why appreciating their individuality is so important. The key way is that each person possesses free will. Excluding obvious exceptions, everyone chooses freely what they believe and what they do. Yes, there are genetic traits and environmental stresses and encouragement or discouragement from other people. In the end, however, those are merely explanations for why a choice is made. They are not determinants.

It's easier to go with the natural tendency, simplify things, and classify individuals into groups. Indeed, it's so easy that a vast number of people live their lives doing just that. I just did it, myself! The problem is that it leads to a group mentality, both inwardly and outwardly. Ironically, if we stop appreciating our differences on a personal level and de-emphasize the individual, we end up promoting groupthink within and group judgment without. The focus, socially, then becomes our communal differences which tend to be more divisive and inflammatory.

Another bit of irony, here, comes when our society takes individuality to its unhealthy extreme: exalting celebrity. When I write of this, I don't mean the typical People Magazine "What's My Favorite Actor Up To?" articles that women love (there's some more classifying for you). Exalting celebrity means first poring over the minutia of the life of a famous person. It's the worst kind of vicarious living. Then, it means placing an undeserved importance on the words and deeds of all famous people. There is a clear distinction to be made between appreciating the qualities of an individual and placing them on a pedestal. Exalting celebrity is as bad, or worse, than a group mentality because it says essentially that nobody is somebody except for a select, illogical few.

There is clearly a happy medium between groupthink and undue individual glorification. I know I have to catch myself occasionally and remember that the people I see and hear are their own people, when it comes down to it. There are several portions of society today that could also stand to do that, inwardly and outwardly. I also realize that emphasizing individuality has its own drawbacks. It's always important to check that ego upstairs. I don't think I have all the answers, but I do believe that it's a good start to stop viewing identity based on how a person looks or where their ancestors lived. Each individual I know has a lot more in common with me than either of us does with our ancestors. Of course, many people already know this, but you know what they say about assumptions.

Decisions Decisions

I have a hard time making decisions. Then again, I don't. I struggled with deciding how to go about this very blog entry. I know that, currently, I'm very confident in myself, and when I'm certain instinctively that I'm making the right choice, I feel as if I almost made the choice before I even knew about it. So, it really isn't about the decision itself. The problem is that I'm so analytical. I consider that a strength, and I'm proud of it, and I think it's a huge contributor to my work. However, it makes decision-making difficult at times. I go about it by collecting pieces of information about the various potential choices until one of them tips the scales. That way, I feel like I can't not make that choice. But then I start analyzing the analysis and I end up not being able to decide if that particular piece of information does, in fact, tip the scales.

Dilemmas are easy for me. A dilemma is a choice between two outcomes, neither of which will be very positive for the chooser. Ultimately, one choice is slightly less bad, or less painful, or has a greater potential for "going down in a blaze of glory" and it presents itself quite quickly if I can quiet my mind long enough. The choice between two good outcomes is considerably more difficult. I always end up wanting to try out both of them, even if that consists of going with Door #1 for five seconds and then changing my mind to Door #2. I'll always wonder, though, if I'm having as good a time as I could have. The real decisions, of course, are the toughest.

I'm confident enough in myself today to know that I can make snap decisions if I'm pressed. And maybe it makes me a better decision-maker to be able to see all sides and to know that the choice I'm making is difficult. Would it be worse to make a grave decision quickly without knowing its gravity?

This is where being so self-analytical comes in handy. I'm always thinking about my position in life: where I came from, where I am, and where I'm going. After I collect all the information and mentally play out the scenarios in my head, I ask myself one, last important question. Will I be better, worse, or the same if I do this? I do it if the answer is better, I don't if the answer is worse, and if the answer is the same, I ask one, last not-so-important question.

Will this be a pain in the ass or not?